What we have here are two opposing forces: a sack-loving, mullet-wearing defensive end ... and a country that would dare restrict the way a man wears his hair. The only conclusion we can arrive at: Jared Allen, if he is true to his word, will have to stay out of Iran going forward.

 

In an attempt to rid the country of "decadent Western cuts", Iran's culture ministry has produced a catalogue of haircuts that meet government approval. The list of banned styles includes ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes. However,quiffs appear to be acceptable, as are fashioning one's hair in the style of Simon Cowell or cultivating a 1980s-style floppy fringe. Most of the models are clean-shaven although one picture features a man with a goatee beard, previously frowned upon by Iran's conservative clerics. Using hair gel is also within the law, albeit in modest quantities. The "journal of Iranian hairstyles approved by the ministry of [culture and Islamic] guidance" was previewed at a government-approved hairdressing show in Tehran.

In contrast, the journal of RandBall hairstyles approved by the ministry of commenter guidance was cemented in history by our 7th grade picture, which features us sporting a very Iran-unfriendly spike mullet.