Rand: What fun will the NFL flag next?

  • Updated: March 26, 2014 - 12:31 AM
hide

Saints tight end Jimmy Graham, and anyone else, will get a 15-yard penalty the next time he dunks a ball through the goalpost. Graham bent a goalpost last year, so the NFL decided to get rid of the dunk altogether.

Photo: Rich Addicks • Associated Press,

CameraStar Tribune photo galleries

Cameraview larger

The NFL has earned the derisive nickname “No Fun League” by banning various forms of festivity in recent years. Celebrations involving props and multiple teammates, among others, have gone by the wayside.

Some of the rules make sense, taking aim at excessive showboating or acts that truly test the boundaries of sportsmanship. Others seem silly to most rational and fun-loving fans. The edict handed down Tuesday falls into the second category: A celebratory spike dunk through over the goalposts will now draw a 15-yard penalty.

Saints tight end Jimmy Graham — a frequent goalpost dunker in past seasons who even caused a delay last year after bending the goalpost while dunking (the only marginally acceptable reason for this rule), tweeted: “I guess I’ll have to lead the @nfl in penalties next year! #funpolice.”

Alas, the tweet was deleted shortly thereafter. Have the fun police gotten to him, too?

We perish the thought of what the future of the No Fun League holds if these trends continue. But here is a crystal ball look at other demonstrations that could be banned:

• High-fives: This classic sports staple of interaction between excited teammates could prove to be a little too demonstrative for the No Fun League. Think of how an opponent might feel when reflecting on his failure contrasting with your success. Is that the kind of message the league wants to send? What’s wrong with a knowing glance — or better yet, an expressionless display of mutual respect? As a corollary, don’t even think about fist bumps or finger guns unless you want to go from a penalty to a full-blown ejection.

• Spiking the football: The NFL already has outlawed some acts of spiking, including, of course, the ban on the goalpost dunk spike. At some point, why not just get rid of the spike altogether? For those who don’t want to simply hand the ball to the referee, placing it on the ground next to an end zone pylon will be acceptable.

• Raising arms in celebration after a game-winning field goal: Kickers get a few moments of glory every season, and man aren’t they showy about it? In the future, I envision no embraces with the holder, no body language while the ball is in the air and certainly no post-kick celebrations.

• Gatorade bath: The field gets sticky. The coach could catch a cold. What’s to love about dumping Gatorade all over the place? Nothing, that’s what. Let’s replace it with a calm handshake (two seconds or less) and a celebratory glass of lukewarm water.

MICHAEL RAND

  • get related content delivered to your inbox

  • manage my email subscriptions

ADVERTISEMENT

question of the day

Poll: Who would you rather have on your team?

Weekly Question

ADVERTISEMENT

Baltimore 0 Bottom 4th Inning
Chicago Cubs 0
Houston - B. Peacock 6:05 PM
Cleveland - C. Carrasco
San Francisco - T. Hudson 6:05 PM
Washington - D. Fister
St. Louis - A. Wainwright 6:05 PM
Philadelphia - K. Kendrick
Chicago WSox - J. Danks 6:05 PM
NY Yankees - S. Greene
Tampa Bay - D. Smyly 6:07 PM
Toronto - M. Stroman
Atlanta - M. Minor 6:10 PM
Cincinnati - M. Latos
Seattle - F. Hernandez 6:10 PM
Boston - J. Kelly
Kansas City - Y. Ventura 7:05 PM
Texas - C. Lewis
Pittsburgh - J. Locke 7:10 PM
Milwaukee - Y. Gallardo
Detroit - R. Ray 7:10 PM
Minnesota - T. Milone
Miami - H. Alvarez 7:40 PM
Colorado - F. Morales
San Diego - O. Despaigne 8:40 PM
Arizona - J. Collmenter
LA Angels - H. Santiago 9:05 PM
Oakland - S. Gray
NY Mets - J. Niese 9:10 PM
Los Angeles - D. Haren
Carolina 6:30 PM
New England
NY Giants 6:30 PM
NY Jets
Jacksonville 6:30 PM
Detroit
Oakland 7:00 PM
Green Bay
Chicago 9:00 PM
Seattle
Tampa Bay 8/23/14 3:30 PM
Buffalo
Tennessee 8/23/14 6:00 PM
Atlanta
Dallas 8/23/14 6:00 PM
Miami
Washington 8/23/14 6:30 PM
Baltimore
New Orleans 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Indianapolis
Minnesota 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Kansas City
St. Louis 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Cleveland
Houston 8/23/14 8:00 PM
Denver
San Diego 8/24/14 3:00 PM
San Francisco
Cincinnati 8/24/14 7:00 PM
Arizona
Atlanta 8/28/14 5:00 PM
Jacksonville
Detroit 8/28/14 6:00 PM
Buffalo
Indianapolis 8/28/14 6:00 PM
Cincinnati
Kansas City 8/28/14 6:00 PM
Green Bay
NY Jets 8/28/14 6:00 PM
Philadelphia
St. Louis 8/28/14 6:00 PM
Miami
Carolina 8/28/14 6:30 PM
Pittsburgh
New England 8/28/14 6:30 PM
NY Giants
Washington 8/28/14 6:30 PM
Tampa Bay
Baltimore 8/28/14 7:00 PM
New Orleans
Chicago 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Cleveland
Denver 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Dallas
Minnesota 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Tennessee
San Francisco 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Houston
Arizona 8/28/14 9:00 PM
San Diego
Seattle 8/28/14 9:00 PM
Oakland
(21) Texas A&M 8/28/14 5:00 PM
(9) So Carolina
Wake Forest 8/28/14 6:00 PM
ULM
Boise State 8/28/14 7:00 PM
(18) Ole Miss
Tulane 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Tulsa
Temple 8/28/14 8:15 PM
Vanderbilt
Rutgers 8/28/14 9:00 PM
Washington St
Weber State 8/28/14 9:30 PM
(19) Arizona State
BYU 8/29/14 6:00 PM
Connecticut
(6) Jacksonville St 8/29/14 6:30 PM
(8) Michigan State
Bowling Green 8/29/14 6:30 PM
Western Ky
TX-San Antonio 8/29/14 8:00 PM
Houston
Colorado State 8/29/14 8:00 PM
Colorado
UNLV 8/29/14 9:30 PM
Arizona
UCF 8/30/14 7:30 AM
Penn State
Real Salt Lake 8:00 PM
FC Dallas
Montreal 7:30 PM
Winnipeg
Toronto 8/23/14 3:00 PM
Edmonton
Calgary 8/24/14 2:00 PM
Ottawa
Saskatchewan 8/24/14 6:00 PM
Brt Columbia
Ottawa 8/29/14 6:30 PM
Montreal
Winnipeg 8/31/14 2:00 PM
Saskatchewan
Toronto 9/1/14 12:00 PM
Hamilton
Edmonton 9/1/14 3:30 PM
Calgary
Chicago 6:30 PM
Atlanta
Los Angeles 9:00 PM
Phoenix
Connect with twitterConnect with facebookConnect with Google+Connect with PinterestConnect with PinterestConnect with RssfeedConnect with email newsletters
Date/Opponent Time W L Score
2014 preseason     
Aug 8 - vs. Oakland 7 pmX10-6
Aug 16 - vs. Arizona 7:30 pmX30-28
Aug 23 - at Kansas City 7 pm
Aug 28 - at Tennessee 7 pm
2014 regular season     
Sep 7 - at St. Louis Noon
Sep 14 - vs. New England Noon
Sep 21 - at New Orleans Noon
Sep 28 - vs. Atlanta 3:25 pm
Oct 2 - at Green Bay 7:25 pm
Oct 12 - vs. Detroit Noon
Oct 19 - at. Buffalo Noon
Oct 26 - at Tampa Bay Noon
Nov 2 - vs. Washington Noon
Nov 9 - Bye
Nov 16 - at Chicago Noon
Nov. 23 - vs. Green Bay Noon
Nov. 30 - vs. Carolina Noon
Dec 7 - vs. NY Jets Noon
Dec 14 - at Detroit Noon
Dec 21 - at Miami Noon
Dec 28 - vs. Chicago Noon
 
Close