Commenter Rocket writes about hockey because sometimes we forget to write about it. He sent this post last week, and we were saving it for Friday before other events occupied our time. The good news? It's timeless! Or at least until Wednesday. Rocket? -------------

I am about to do something that I never thought I was ever going to do. I am going to pick another team and I can't believe who it is. And yet here we are, because of science.

As regular readers of this guest post know, I have two teams that I regularly follow: the Minnesota Wild and the Carolina Hurricanes. Neither is making the playoffs this season, making it four straight playoff-less years for the Wild and three for the Hurricanes. Thanks a lot, hockey gods! See if I ever pray to you again. From now on, I'm eschewing my hockey spiritual beliefs for a heathenish life of goaltender-themed debauchery. Anyway, at the risk of sounding like one of those hideous commercials that seeks to pass off baby urine as light beer, I think one of the rules of being a fan is that you get to pick a secondary team for the playoffs if you're team isn't in it. It's not necessary that you do so, particularly in hockey where the playoff games are so terrific that you don't need a rooting interest to enjoy the action. Nonetheless, when a guy's teams keep not making the playoffs, sometimes it's just nice to have something to pay a little extra attention to that doesn't arouse the suspicions of the spouse – such as when Rockette wonders why I keep watching cooking shows. Thus, when it became clear that neither the Wild nor the Hurricanes were going to see the postseason, I began thinking about who might make a fun team to adopt for hopefully the next two months. I decided to break it down scientifically. I was looking for a team that 1) had a real shot to win, 2) that seemed likable, 3) and had as many of the characteristics of the type of franchise I would like my team to have. Each likely playoff team fit pretty comfortably into a few key categories. Not even worth considering: Boston – They already won it last year and to be frank, I really don't want to see Tim Thomas winning anything in 2012. Buffalo – Strangely enough, they are probably Carolina's biggest rival, so they're out. Chicago – They won it two years ago and enough with the Native mascots already. Dallas – Are you [redacted] kidding me? Detroit – Yeah, I'm going to choose the Red Wings. In fact, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a big Red Wings bumper sticker so that I can put it next to my Lakers, Cowboys, and Yankees bumper stickers. Just like this [redacted]. New Jersey – Their boring brand of play made hockey shut down for a year. I mean, sure, there might have been some other reasons as well and to blame one team for all of the NHL's problems is perhaps a bit reductive and willfully ignorant. But reason, logic, and good will went out the door with this team when they eliminated the green from their jerseys. NY Rangers – Life is just better when self-entitled folks who live in what they imagine is the only place on earth don't get what they think is their birthright. Philadelphia – I have always gotten the sense that Philly has the angriest, meanest fans in all of North America and maybe the world. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's sometimes hard to not feel that way. Things didn't seem to calm down when the Phillies won the World Series, and if winning a championship isn't going to make you behave a little better then why bother rooting for you to win one? Vancouver – I have already explained myself when it comes to Vancouver. Probably not worth the trouble: Florida – Assuming there is a devoted fan base in Miami (and even if it is small, there is generally a devoted fan base wherever there is hockey – with the possible exception of Atlanta), they deserve to taste a little success after their more-than-a-decade playoff drought. That being noted, they won the weakest division in hockey and have the look of a #3 seed that will be an underdog to the #6 seed. They have also looked terrible for the past couple of weeks and just have the sickening aura of a meek, one-and-done team. No point in rooting for that. Los Angeles – I kind of want to like this team. I really do, particularly since Jonathan Quick is having a sensationally underrated season. They just can't score. In fact, Quick has lost nine games in which he has given up only one goal. That's not a recipe for playoff success. Ottawa – After a terrible season last year they have been a really nice surprise this year. Unfortunately, they're just about to face the Rangers. And even if they survive that, then their next opponent will either be Philly or Pittsburgh. The Flying O's are not getting through that lineup of teams this year. Just can't be done so I can't pick the Senators. Phoenix – I have a soft spot in my heart for this team because, like a horror movie villain, they just won't die. They don't get any local support, the ownership situation has been a fiasco for a number of years now, and no one would blame them if they just gave up. But they don't. And they keep finding ways to win. That being noted, Cinderella stories generally only go so far in the playoffs. San Jose – An extremely underwhelming season saw them almost miss the postseason completely. Now that they're in, they might shock an inexperienced St. Louis club, and make a bit of a run. But something has always been missing with this team, and this year looks like more of the same. Washington – Isn't it amazing how quickly a previously fun, energetic, engaging superstar can, seemingly overnight, turn into the subject of "What's wrong with…" stories? Maybe…Just maybe… Pittsburgh – I can't help it, I like this team. They are frighteningly fun to watch. Sidney Crosby is finally back and he may not even be the best player on his team anymore. Geno Malkin is going to win the MVP, Marc-Andre Fleury is having another great season, James Neal has been a revelation, and they've even got Matt Cooke acting like a human being. If anything is going to trip them up, it's going to be the fact that they're starting the playoffs against the Flyers (which will be appointment television, especially after what happened last Sunday), then likely the Rangers. As amazing as this team is, that is a lot to ask. St. Louis – There is a lot of good, young, homegrown talent on this team. And between the team defense and two goaltenders having amazing years, it is almost impossible to score on them. They are having a tremendous season and would really reward an underappreciated hockey market with a Stanley Cup. Still, those uniforms are hideous. The winner Nashville – This is a team that built itself from the ground up. It has managed to succeed in the euphemistically-described "non-traditional hockey market." In a sport where coaches are discarded as quickly as RandBall's tissues when he heard about Ricky Rubio, the franchise had only had one coach since its inception. In fact, both the coach and the team celebrated their 500th win last week. They also have two huge, impending free agents in Ryan Suter and Shea Weber (who, I will remind you, has a shot so powerful he can literally put it through the net), so this might be the last, best shot for a while. Knowing this, the team made some key moves during the season to make a deep Cup run. Beyond Suter, Weber, and their gigantic goaltender, Pekka Rinne, they are mostly role players that effectively operate a good system with a fair amount of success. They really seem to be a team and they seem to understand that it is now or maybe never with this core. How can you not root for that? So, there you have it. I'm just as surprised as you are, but Nashville is the team to root for. I have proven it through science, so my findings are unassailable. Go Preds!