This is the time when commenter Rocket takes over and writes about the NHL. You'd think the Stanley Cup finals would be on his brain, but that's not the case. Rocket? --------

Let's get the business out of the way up front. I'm putting this guest post on hiatus. Between the quickly impending end of the NHL season, traveling that I will be doing, and other projects that I have on the table a regular NHL guest post during the summer is just not going to happen. There may be some infrequent stuff when I become too enraged with RandBall's lack of hockey coverage, and I hope to be back when the new season starts next fall. Anyway, onto the good stuff.

The Stanley Cup finals are so awesome that it would be a pitiful and unavailing waste of time to try to describe how awesome they are. If you are not watching the Stanley Cup finals then you are, to quote the famous words of Benjamin Franklin, a, "complete tool." As such, I will use this space to tackle another subject. As even the most casual sports fan probably knows, the Atlanta Thrashers are no more and have become the Winnipeg Something-or-Others. The team's new ownership announced that they would announce a new nickname for the team after they had sold 13,000 season tickets. Once sales began it took seventeen minutes to sell 13,000 season tickets and it would not have even taken that long if the online orders could have been processed faster. Even so, nearly half of a week later, the team nickname has not been announced. To that end, I now offer some options for relocated franchise and the likelihood of their success. Winnipeg Whiteout It was erroneously reported earlier in the week that this was to be the new nickname. It was a call back to the history of Winnipeg's first NHL franchise when Jets fans were encouraged to wear white to the playoff games, thus creating a "whiteout." Theoretically it would have been a nice, symbolic gesture to the city's hockey heritage and identity while at the same time a bold step forward into the city's hockey future with a new identity. Could this be the one? The 90s are over. The singular team name fad, which resulted in abominations like the Avalanche and the Heat, has thankfully died out. Let's all just move on. Winnipeg Maple Suckers They say the NHL is a copycat league (actually they say this more about the NFL, but you can shut up because this is my guest post and not yours). Last year the Blackhawks won the Cup and this year the Canucks were the best team in the league and are halfway to winning their first Cup. Regardless of how you feel about them you have to admit that both the Blackhawks and the Canucks rank higher on the offensiveness scale than, say, the Thrashers. Perhaps the folks in Winnipeg will decide that adopting a Canadian slur is the key to success. Perhaps they will want to give a big middle finger to the austere and storied (and grammatically incorrect) Maple Leafs in the process. Perhaps they will also want to further get back at Gary Bettman by picking a name they know he will hate. So why not? Could this be the one? Why not? Because it's stupid. Next. Winnipeg Pervert Murderers During the WWII era a young Canadian, Michael Angelo Vescio, joined the Royal Canadian Army and was eventually assigned to the Fort Osborne Barracks in Winnipeg in 1944. This deranged young Canadian committed a series of heinous acts and brutal murders, which earned the grisly nickname of the "pervert murders." Vescio was eventually executed for his crimes and remains one of Winnipeg's most notorious criminals. Could this be the one? People generally love it when a team's nickname refers to the city's heritage and/or historic past. This particular nickname would combine two things people are constantly researching – World War II and serial killers. Yet, I can't help but wonder if the marketing mamby-pambys would nix any sort of jersey design and would bow to any focus group pressure that such a nickname was, "in bad taste." Hamilton Tigers This is the other Canadian city that has been routinely mentioned when NHL expansion or relocation has been brought up. It is roughly the same size as Winnipeg and also once had an NHL team way back in the day. While any hockey aficionado with a heart has to love the fact that Winnipeg is getting a team once again anyone with a brain has to see the obvious risks. Winnipeg immediately becomes the smallest city with an NHL team that will also happen to be playing in the smallest rink in the league. This is a different NHL – one with a salary cap and more competitive balance – than it was 15 years ago when the Jets left. But there are only a few select cities that can get away with putting a terrible product on the ice and still fill the building (I'm looking at you Toronto and New York). If the new team is consistently bad there just aren't enough people in Winnipeg to keep putting rear ends in the seats to make up for any decrease in fan interest (by the way, is any of this sounding familiar to Wild fans?). If the team is no good, they might only be a decade away from another move, so why not cut out the middle man with the nickname? Could this be the one? It is possible that this particular choice might be looked upon unfavorably by the good folks of Winnipeg. Winnipeg Jets This was, of course, the nickname of the NHL franchise in Winnipeg before they moved to Phoenix and became the Coyotes. If you believe the images on the web from Winnipeg when momentum was growing toward this relocation then everyone in the city already owns a Jets jersey. If you believe stuff that I make up for this guest post then 98.4% of Winnipeg's inhabitants have signed a legally binding pact which will require them to commit suicide at the intersection of Portage and Main if the team is named anything other than the Jets. Could this be the one? Duh, winning.