Ask Amy: Different politics make estranged bedfellows
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- November 16, 2013 - 2:00 PM
Dear Amy: I have a confession to make. I do not vote the way my wife tells me to vote. In fact, most often, I cancel out her vote. If she knew this, she would be very angry because she thinks I agree with her political opinions.
Also, I always listen to her and “Like” her Facebook posts. The truth is, I like her and want her to think I support her, but I do not like her increasingly radical ideology related to liberal politics.
I consider myself a moderate traditionalist. Others may consider me old-fashioned or conservative.
I would like to tell her this but do not want to start a fight. Besides, I think she would feel betrayed if she discovered my secret. Should I risk the truth so that we can have an honest relationship in which she understands that I don’t share her politics?
Amy says: Hitting “Like” on Facebook does not necessarily convey that you actually “like” something. This “thumbs up” sign indicates mainly that you have seen the post or photo. On Facebook, “sharing” a post is a true endorsement. That having been said, if you don’t want to say something positive about one of your wife’s FB posts, then don’t.
Your vote is your own. You are not keeping a secret when you don’t disclose your vote — you are merely demonstrating citizenship in its pure form.
Actively pretending (or implying) that you agree with your wife about her changing politics to avoid an argument exposes a fault line in your relationship. I suggest you be brave enough to leap across it. You say that raising these issues will “start a fight.” You won’t be starting a fight if you state your own truth. (“Your views seem to be changing, and we are further apart politically than we used to be.”)
If your wife insists that you must always agree with her politics and vote alongside her to be in a peaceful relationship, then you have a real problem.
Dear Amy: Recently a writer posed a guy-minded hypothetical: If you went to Vegas with your sister’s fiancé and he slept with “strange women,” would you tell her?
I’d say: If you’re comfortable with your sister getting married to someone who will break her heart, then by all means, keep that nasty little secret. And may I please have your wife’s phone number?
Amy says: I had a similar reaction.
Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at email@example.com.
© 2016 Star Tribune