Guest post: Newbie's Minnesota Superstar Rankings

  • Blog Post by: Michael Rand
  • January 8, 2013 - 3:25 PM

Commenter Newbie checks in with a novel way to "rank" Minnesota's superstar athletes based on a points system that he devised entirely himself. Newbie?


Here is a simple index on rating our superstars.  Feel free to apply it to other Minnesota athletes.  The idea is, these are players that are relevant on the national stage but how we as Minnesota fans think of them. 

The scale is from 1-5 by half points.  (1 worst, 5 best) 
The categories are...
Performance: You must have a sustained "superstar" level performance while on a Minnesota team.  We also count similar performance on previous teams, if applicable.  We do not recognize performance after they leave Minnesota. We may not even recognize you any longer, depending on how you leave.
Leadership: We need you, both on and off the field, to prove you are in charge of the team. You are the go-to guy.  When the team is down, you flip over a table and break a chair over Drew Butera's head. You inspire the team to be the professionals they are.
Desire to be/win here: What you do and say shows how we think you feel about us as Minnesotans.  Be careful.
Health/Healing ability: If you can stay healthy, great. But things happen, so if you get hurt do what it takes to get right and come back as fast as possible.  Also, tell us what is wrong with you. We will just throw out wild accusations if you don't, so it's better for everyone if you just tell us.
Personality/Appearance: We want a guy that walks, talks and looks like a superstar.  Can star in a commercial at the drop of a hat. We want stories written about your community service that make us say "awww".  Someone that women (or men) swoon over.
Clutchosity: Self explanatory.
Perceived Trade Value: The higher the score on this one, the more value we think we should get in return.  We aren't saying we want to trade you, we just like to know other teams are willing to try to get you.  We just want to know that if we trade you we will get a return that not only ensures multiple championships for us, but also decimates the other organization to the point of contraction.
Tie-breaking category: Ability to Hit Home Runs at Target Field.  Surprisingly (or not) Mauer does not lead in this one.
Adrian Peterson - I'll be honest, this guy defined the index.
Performance: 5 - Always been great.
Leadership: 5 - Does and says the right thing on and off the field. Got a new big contract and didn't hold out.  Ultimate team guy.
Desire to be/win here: 5 - nothing has shown otherwise.
Health/Healing Ability: 5 - umm... yep.
Personality/Appearance: 5 - Looks and acts the part. Funny when he needs to be, serious when he needs to be.  Great in the community. This guy is the only person in Minnesota that has gained universal permission to date every woman (over 18) in the state.
Clutchosity: 5 - You need a first down to ensure a playoff berth? Who else are you going to ask?  What's that? Everyone on the other team knows he's going to get that ball? So?
Perceived Trade Value: 5 - Pretty sure teams are offering the entire '72 Dolphins in their prime for him right now.
Total = 35
Zach Parise
Performance: 5 - Skates by on previous performance
Leadership: 4 - Seems like he'd be good, but also willing to let Koivu retain the honors.
Desire to be/win here: 5 - Took a massive pay increase to come here, but brought along another top free agent, so that makes us feel good.
Health/Healing Ability: 5 - Got hurt, but came back pretty quick.  I think.
Personality/Appearance: 5 - We love you, Zach. Thanks for coming home.
Clutchosity: 3.5 - Some playoff success. Seemed to be a factor in it. Not real qualified to judge this one.
Perceived Trade Value: N/A - There are no teams to officially trade him to yet.
Total = 27.5 (note still second on this list with one category not scored.
Joe Mauer
Performance: 2.5 - You had that one really good year... you should do that again. Also, more dingers please.
Leadership: 3 - I mean, I guess you're the leader. Don't really hear much about it, more questions about it, really.
Desire to be/win here: 5 - Obviously you want to stay here.  That's not a question.  I mean we pay you lots of money...
Health/Healing Ability: 2.5 - Yeah, remember that thing you had a couple years ago?  Yeah, we do too.  Also, there's already talk you can't be a catcher much longer.  We like you as a catcher.
Personality/Appearance: 3 - There's no doubt you look like a superstar. But man, spice it up a little. Also, great in the community.
Clutchosity: 3 - I hear you are not good in the clutch. @pmac21 might have some numbers to show otherwise, but until I read about it in the comments of a Strib article, I don't want you up with the game on the line... where's Pierzynski?
Perceived Trade Value: 4 - I don't care what "writers" and "GM's" say, we need 3 Verlanders and an All-Star SS in return. But your salary doesn't make that seem possible.
Total = 23
Kevin Love
Performance: 4 - Last couple years were great.  This year... meh. But you've been hurt. We'll get to that.
Leadership: 3.5 - Last year seemed like you were the man, this year, I don't know.  But you've been hurt. We're getting there.
Desire to be/win here: 2 - Dude. What is going on?  Why you gotta be saying stuff to Yahoo! like that?  I mean, do you like us or not? Not cool, bro.
Health/Healing Ability: 2 - Again, last year was fine.  But what's going on with your hand, buddy? I mean it seems like you are trying to suck it up and stuff, but we gotta get that right.  We need you at the end of games... sometimes... I mean we should.  Just... it would be nice if it were an option at least.
Personality/Appearance: 3 - Not gonna lie, most of your poor score is for the beard.   You are funny and a decent actor. People outside MN like you. But, come on. The beard makes it look like you don't care.  We need to know you care. 
Clutchosity: 4 - You usually come up pretty big. Just need to get you in the playoffs to take it to the next level.
Perceived Trade Value: 4 - You get docked here based on Kahn.  Every team in the league would take you in a heartbeat.  We like that. We just don't think we'd get a "superstar" deal for you.

Total = 22.5


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