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An Open Apology to Chipmunks

  • Blog Post by: Andrew Vavra
  • April 25, 2011 - 4:45 PM

 

 

As a young child engulfed by suburbia, I was forced to watch my dad head for the secluded woods and waters every weekend during the fall. Left to tend to the homestead (i.e. watch cartoons at barely audible levels as to not wake mother), I considered myself lucky enough to inspect the goose, duck or deer he’d hopefully return with.

This was all fine and dandy at first, but every 9 year old man has a breaking point. So began the clamoring for my own “big boy toy” – the Red Ryder BB Gun. With the BB gun, came trips out to Grandma and Grandpa’s where targets (both moving and stationary) were dialed in with unwavering enthusiasm. I wish I could say this is where my love of bird hunting came from, but Grandma made it painfully clear that her song birds were to be left alone. The chipmunks, however, were fair game. So while recently thinking back to those days, I felt it appropriate to apologize to those clueless chipmunks for the years of abuse they endured.

Dear Chipmunks,

First of all, don’t be scared. My leather tasseled, lever action BB gun is nowhere to be found. In fact, I’ve put those long summer days filled with lemonade and chipmunk carnage long behind me. I’m writing you today to offer a sincere apology for the “hunts” I put you through in the past. It’s taken me years to realize the senselessness of my actions, but at that time you were content in stealing bird seed and making nests under the old rickety stairs. Something had to be done, and I thought it was my duty as a grandchild to man-up and take action against your army of stripped rodents. Admittedly, my aim was true and justice was swiftly served but this doesn’t change the fact that I feel somewhat bad for my actions. After all, you guys are pretty cute when your cheeks are all puffed out… So please accept my “better late than never” peace treaty. Hopefully now you won’t have to look at me with such distain when I visit the grandparents for the holidays.

With Respect,

Andrew

P.S. I have a new dog you haven’t met. She’s really fast and I can’t be held accountable for all of her actions. Just thought I’d give you a heads up…

Sorry guys, consider our relationship a rite of passage. Just be glad I never stumbled upon a good chipmunk recipe.

The Over/Under blog is written by Andrew Vavra, Pheasants Forever’s Marketing Specialist.

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