Planning a local reunion, with NFL-like perks

  • Article by: ROCHELLE EASTMAN
  • Updated: June 11, 2014 - 6:24 PM

Other cities would love to have our family’s businesses. So what do you say, Minneapolis?

We are planning a family reunion and are considering holding the event in your fair city. We will have many guests spending money in hotels, bars, restaurants and entertainment venues like the Guthrie and Sex World. Since the city will be making a fair sum of money off our event, we request that you provide a few extra services at no charge:

• Private access to Lake Harriet for the weekend, with uniformed police restricting access to invited guests.

• Waiver of all rental fees, parking fees, and restrictions on alcohol, bonfires, firearms, noise, smoking and nudity.

• Extended hours and additional lifeguards at all beaches with a fully staffed fire truck and ambulance on site.

• Waiver of all fishing license and related requirements.

• Free access to all private boats moored on the lake.

• Free golf at all city-owned courses and membership access to private courses.

• City buses to continuously shuttle attendees to their hotels and other entertainment sites.

• Access to the Lyndale Park Rose Garden to cut flowers for corsages, boutonnieres and centerpieces.

• Services of a park naturalist and staff for educational children’s activities and child care.

• Ongoing monitoring and spraying by the Metropolitan Mosquito Control District.

• Use of an acceptable indoor recreation area in case of inclement weather, including the same top- quality bowling venues offered to the NFL.

Remember, Minneapolis, you are in competition with other cities for our business.

Rochelle Eastman lives in Savage.

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