This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Nazi-found statue is from outer space

Posted by: James Lileks under Architecture, Photos, Praise, Technology Updated: September 27, 2012 - 12:01 PM

I was about to say I was as “busy as a one-armed paperhanger,” but that phrase really has no real-world meaning. Let’s unpack it, as they say.

The likelihood of someone with one-arm going into the paperhanging business is quite small.

Therefore, it’s possible he lost a limb while paperhanging, and that explains the burst of activity, but he would be focused on stanching the limb, not making sure the paper stays adhered to the wall.

If he did go into the business with only one arm, he would probably have employees, and would delegate the actual hanging. He might be busy, but these would be managerial tasks that do not require two limbs. “What if he’s filling out paperwork,” you ask, “and the phone rings?” I expect he would have a speakerphone.

So we need something else to express “busyness.” Anyway:

WHOA It’s being called “the Headline of the Day,” and I can’t argue with that:

Buddhist ‘Iron Man’ found by Nazis is from space

 Surely the story explains that away in a clever fashion. Let’s see:

A Buddhist statue brought to Germany from Tibet by a Nazi-backed expedition has been confirmed as having an extraterrestrial origin.

At this point you expect an appearance by Indiana Jones, staring with Harrison Ford’s trademark non-expression expression, because it’s just too good: a statue in Tibet found by Nazis, from outer space. Surely it has straaaange powers they hoped to harness as a secret weapon, because they were into that stuff big-time. If you’ve ever played “Wolfenstein,” you know that roughly 47% of the Nazi’s military budget went into Tesla coils, interdimensional transport, enormous zeppelins capable of summoning elder giants from the Nordic pantheon, and so on. No wonder they lost the war. And they were thiiiiis close to perfecting them, too.

Alas, this is what they mean:

Known as the ‘iron man’, the 24-centimetre-high sculpture may represent the god Vaiśravaṇa and was likely created from a piece of the Chinga meteorite that was strewn across the border region between Russia and Mongolia between 10,000 and 20,000 years ago, according to Elmar Buchner, of the University of Stuttgart in Germany, and his colleagues.

Ah. So it was a space-rock that humans carved into a figure. Still a better idea than that Crystal Skull crap. I was so pumped for that movie, especially after I learned it had Commies. Then the producers thought “what will really sell this movie is Shia LaBoeuf, and lots of him.”

 

EVERYONE PANIC I mean, everyone relax. Slate calls horse-malarky on the bacon shortage. tl;dr version: it has to do with the drought. You ask: I thought pigs weren’t raised, not grown. True, but they eat corn, and the drought pushed corn prices way up, so it’s more expensive to feed pigs. Thus bacon will be more expensive. There won’t be a shortage.

This reminds me of the Peanut Butter Shortage we were supposed to have this year. Signs at Cub warned us that the crop came in poor, and this would mean constrained supplies. Not once did the shelves anywhere have anything less than the full compliment of Peanut Butter options. They didn’t even discontinue “chunky” to save peanuts.

NATURE, WONDERS OF It’s titled “Creepiest Looking New Species.” They’re not new in the sense that someone invented them on some island where horrible vivisection is performed, but “new” in the sense that we discovered them. Some are rather pretty, including the Sea-Angel. This fellow is interesting:

 

Where have we seen him before? 

 

 

(That's from the great Quatermass movie, “Five Million Years to Earth.” Probably the best British sci-fi movie of the 50s. Not that the category is particularly crowded.)

 

DECAY PRON The internet loves abandoned, decayed things, so here’s that photo spread on Pablo Escobar’s drug island. The text says it all:

All these abandoned houses,villa's where once of big drugs mafia. These villa's and islands are now owned by the state and have private guards protecting these decayed buildings.

One of the most known drug king was Pablo Escobar (pablo Emillio escobar gaviria) born in Medellin 1949-1993. He was the most known and biggest cocaine supplier that Colombia has known. He started his career with steeling grave thumbs.

That begs elucidation, doesn’t it? Wikipedia says:

As a teenager on the streets of Medellín, he would begin his criminal career, allegedly stealing gravestones and sanding them down for resale to smugglers. His brother, Roberto Escobar, denies this, claiming that the gravestones came from cemetery owners whose clients had stopped paying for site care and that they had a relative who had a legitimate monuments business.

I love that. Escobar was responsible for endless misery, ruined uncounted lives, but c’mon, that gravestone business was totally legit.

VIDEO Oh, this is fun. Bonus points for the Nagels on the wall. Enjoy!

  

The Butterfly Effect from Passion Pictures on Vimeo

 

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