We're in the biggest economic nosedive in 25 years, unemployment is soaring, foreclosures and bankruptcies are exploding, businesses are failing, aid to the needy is shrinking and the state is looking at a $2 billion deficit or maybe even larger, but I come to you today with the good news that not all is lost:

Our stadiums are on track!

When life starts to get you down, it is important to look for the silver lining and remember that the glass is half full.

Our billionaires are doing great, and there could be three new Sports Romper Rooms by the end of next year. If your husband lost his job or your wife has to work six days a week to make ends meet, or your kids have to wait for braces, it's OK.

Minneapolis is getting spiffier! The view from the soup lines will be brighter as the hungry and the homeless scan the skyline and see shiny harbingers of good times to come:

On the East, a new football stadium that stands like a beacon of prosperity amid the forlorn campus of the University of Minnesota, hit by hiring freezes and soaring tuition rates but clinging to hope that Tim (8-15) Brewster knows what he is doing or might find out by the time the new $300 million stadium opens; and ...

On the West, a shiny new steam-scented baseball stadium is rising beside the garbage burner, a $500 million gift from the taxpayers of Hennepin County, whose beneficent rulers must have known it would be good to have hundreds of new hotdog vending positions coming onto the job market.

And, still but a dream, there it is: In the heart of the city, where the Metrodome used to be an eyesore, a new $1 billion Zyggi-urat, where the Minnesota Vikings will be able to climb to Valhalla in a modern football temple worthy of the vision of Zygi Wilf. So stop whining, children: We're almost to the feeding site and you will get something hot to eat soon. In the meantime, feast on the idea of a magnificent football shrine!

And tighten your belt.

Now, here's my annual SOS report, the State of Sports:

Twins: Owner Carl Pohlad moved another nifty half-billion up the charts on the Forbes 400 list, following a similar $500 million spurt the previous year, coming in on the most recent edition at $3.6 billion -- good for 102nd place on the list of wealthiest Americans. His baseball team increased 14 percent in value to $328 million (a 50 percent increase in two years) and Forbes says it may be worth $30-$50 million more when the new stadium opens. Since buying the Twins in 1984, Pohlad's team has increased in value by 745 percent. Nice.

Wild: New owner Craig Leipold is not on the Forbes 400, but his partner, Philip Falcone (No. 163) and his wife, Helen Johnson-Leipold, are. Mrs. J-L (No. 190) is worth $2.3 billion. The team is valued at $217 million -- a 21 percent increase over last year, and 11th most valuable in the NHL.

Wolves: The sad-sack Timberwolves can't do anything right, but it hasn't affected the bottom line: Forbes said last year that the team's value remained flat, but ranked 22nd out of 30 teams in the NBA. Owner Glen Taylor had a good year, too: At $3.3 billion, he was No. 123 among the 400 richest.

Vikings: They still rank last in value among NFL teams, but shed no tears for Zygi Wilf. Being "poorest" in the NFL is like being poorest among the crowned heads of Europe. You still have a really good gig.

Forbes estimates the value of the Vikings at $839 million, up a whopping 39.8 percent since Zygi bought the team. Wilf is not on the wealthiest list but could be on a similar list soon: Wilf and his family partners in real estate are expected to appear on a Forbes list of wealthiest American families in the near future.

In the meantime, the Vikings are working to be among the Most Needy Cases addressed by the 2009 Legislature. I think they should get a fair hearing.

You know, life is more than just food and shelter. Children need to have something to inspire them, especially when they are cold and hungry.

A billion-dollar football palace could provide kids with a real-life lesson. Especially if the new facilities permit fights between lions and Christians.

If there are any Christians.

ncoleman@startribune.com • 612-673-4400