Mr. Tidbit hasn’t had much opportunity lately to mention Pepperidge Farm’s Goldfish collection of crackers, cookies, bread and whatever. But now there’s Goldfish Puffs, a baked corn puff, that he can imagine becoming a giant (gluten-free) category for the smiley-faced icon. Just as it has done with the cracker Goldfish, Pepperidge Farm can surely produce Goldfish Puffs in various colors, sizes and peculiar flavors. Right now, there are only three: mega cheese, Buffalo wing and Cheddar bacon.
Mr. Tidbit must acknowledge that it must have been difficult to shape a corn puff like a goldfish — all the way down to the tiny-dot suggestion of an eye. But America would settle for nothing less.
Black Label sandwich
It would appear that the idea of the breakfast sandwich available in the frozen-food aisle has come to full maturity, and Mr. Tidbit announces that this is the last time he will mention that yet another brand is available.
But it is probably worth pointing out that, at least among the five brands of breakfast sandwiches Mr. Tidbit could see in one store’s freezer case without moving an inch, the new Hormel Black Label breakfast sandwiches, in three-packs weighing 11.1 ounces, were the most expensive per ounce — by a significant margin. Jimmy Dean biscuit sandwiches varied, but none was more than 40.2 cents per ounce; Pillsbury Grands biscuit sandwiches were 40.4 cents per ounce; Marie Callender Cheddar biscuits were 40.5 cents per ounce; Kellogg’s Special K flatbread sandwiches were 41.6 cents per ounce, and Hormel Black Label breakfast sandwiches were 52.1 cents per ounce.
Among the things that Mr. Tidbit had already pledged not to bring up are new flavors of existing products (with maybe a permanent exception for Oreos, just because they’re Oreos). So he hasn’t mentioned the endless parade of flavors of coffee whitener — what Mr. Tidbit’s father enjoyed referring to generically as “cremate.”
But sometimes a new flavor is so odd that it can’t be ignored. Such as this one, from coffee creamer International Delight: vanilla heat. The label includes a picture of a hot pepper, and explains “sweet vanilla flavor gets an edge of spicy heat.” It doesn’t say why.