Withering Glance: Junk food we have known and loved

  • Article by: RICK NELSON and CLAUDE PECK , Star Tribune
  • Updated: October 11, 2013 - 3:13 PM

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

 

CP: Please do not look in the wastebasket beneath my desk.

 

RN: To quote Scarlett O’Hara — can you tell that I recently visited the Margaret Mitchell House in Atlanta? — “That, Captain Butler, is something you’ll never see.”

 

CP: From the morning, a bag of Black Forest Fruit Snacks with Juicy Burst Centers, which sounds vaguely breakfast-y and delivers 100 percent of needed Vitamin C.

 

RN: Oh, please. I’m one Mint Milano away from a Jenny Craig intervention.

 

CP: From this afternoon, a 2-ounce bag of Cheez-It crackers, “made with 100% Real Cheese.”

 

RN: Whole grain, or reduced fat? Wait, who am I kidding?

 

CP: I’m almost beginning to see the wisdom of parents who deny junk food to their children. I always thought it was an abridgement of the right of every grade-schooler to dose themselves silly on sugars, carbs and empty calories.

 

RN: It’s not just today’s parents. I recall my mother mixing an entire cup of granulated sugar with an envelope of Kool-Aid into a pitcher of water. No wonder our dentist knew me by name.

 

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