On rare occasions, the Minneapolis Tribune of the early 1900s peeled off its topcoat, loosened its tie and offered readers Onion-esque tales like this. Read it in the voice of one my purported former babysitters, Garrison Keillor, for the full effect.
THE VICTIM OF SAD ACCIDENT
Man Pours Cream in Sleeve, Instead of Coffee.
He was a big man with a desperado moustache and a weak chin. His napkin was tucked under his collar and he read a newspaper while the waitress brought him breakfast.
Without raising his eyes from the paper, he grabbed the small pitcher of cream by the circumference, in a manner that would not have been permitted at his home table, and inserted it toward him and under his palm to connect with his coffee. The cream, obeying gravity laws, ran gaily down his arm inside his sleeve.
The waitress tittered. The big man grew fiery red and went out hastily, and he didn’t come back.
More From Yesterday's News
Hartman's first bylined column, "The Roundup," appeared in the Minneapolis Daily Times, tucked away with the agate type on the bottom of the Daily Times' second sports page. The lead story on the front page that day: "Tojo Shoots Self as U.S. Officers Attempt His Arrest."
This odd map of the United States may seem at first glance to be a cubist artist's conception of the familiar geographical outlines of our country, but it has a strictly utilitarian purpose. It is known as the map of the "electrical United States" and pictures graphically the number of household users of electricity in each state.
Puckett made his major league debut on May 8, 1984, going 4-for-5 in a 5-0 Twins victory over the Angels. His debut would have come a day earlier but for some unexpected delays.
In 1948, the State Medical Association honored Dr. William Wallace Will as Minnesota's outstanding general practitioner in recognition of his four decades of work caring for the people of Bertha, Minn.
After a tour of Twin Cities landmarks, the 87-year-old champion of American modernist architecture addressed the annual meeting of the Citizens League of Minneapolis and Hennepin County.