There should be a little plastic statue of Cher (various outfits available, of course) that you could put on your dashboard or dressing table. Because Cher is the patron saint of underdogs and survivors.
She survived two husbands (one a control-freak, the other a junkie) and one (then-closeted) gay boyfriend, dealt with a daughter who had a sex change and put up with people who criticized her singing, acting and outfits.
But without Cher, Sonny Bono would never have become a famous music figure (let alone a congressman) and Gregg Allman would have probably overdosed. Without Cher, there wouldn’t have been a Madonna, Britney Spears or Lady Gaga. Without Cher, there wouldn’t have been any celebrity infomercials. (Ah, that’s another story.)
Despite the obstacles and naysayers, Cher always believed in herself and that’s why she’s taking a victory lap — we hesitate to call it a farewell tour after her last farewell tour from 2002-05 visited the Twin Cities three separate times — that included a performance Wednesday night at Target Center in Minneapolis.
And a victory lap for Cher meant she twirled in a chandelier, flew over the crowd on a tiny platform and made her entrance on a pedestal. Where else does Cher belong?
Between the pedestal entrance and the aerial exit, there were many guises. Peacock Cher. Aladdin Cher. Vampire Cher. Gypsy Cher. Sonny’s Cher. Pocahontas Cher. Gladiator Cher. Vamp Cher. Disco Cher. Dinner Party Cher. Strip Club Madam Cher. Virgin Mary Cher.
Now you know why she called this her Dressed To Kill Tour. Actually, Tressed to Kill might have been just as apropos. With every outfit, there was a new wig more striking than the previous one. The long black tiny braids. The golden Beyoncé mane. The straight, long black classic ’60s ’do. And, best of all, the platinum bob with pink under color.
Frankly, best of all was that Cher shared her personality generously during the 100-minute performance. Sure, most of the patter was scripted, but, after all these years, she knows how to deliver a line — especially sarcastic, self-deprecating ones. When she talked about the physical risks she’s taking during the show, she said, “What’s my life compared to your happiness?”
And, at 68, she flaunted her fabulous figure, asking, “And what is your granny doing tonight?”
Yes, Cher gets the joke. And she runs with it. She acknowledges her trials and triumphs by showing clips from her TV shows and her movies — including her Oscar acceptance speech when she talked about how singers never accepted her, actors never accepted her but she was determined to be who she was going to be.
On this tour, she is celebrating all her Cher-Ness.
Sure, there were dancers, acrobats and a Cirque du So-Cher production. But she also was singing her buns off, at least on “If I Could Turn Back Time” and “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me.” Her robust bray has grown deeper — and more potent — over the years (which was very apparent when she sang live Wednesday while duet partner Sonny Bono performed on video with his voice higher than hers).
She may have been lip syncing on some dance-oriented numbers (not that she tried to dance much, though her backup hoofers did), and the entire sound system went out briefly on the closing “I Hope You Find It” but Cher kept singing — or at least mouthing the words.
That song was another empowering anthem (even if Miley Cyrus recorded it first) in the series of empowering anthems that Cher performed at Target Center. She opened with the feminist rally cry “Woman’s World,” her dance-club hit from last year. “Believe,” her 1998 comeback smash, had all 13,000 fans believing. And, after the inspiring “I Hope You Find It,” she bowed her halo-covered head and held her hands in a pray-like manner — the perfect pose for that little plastic Cher statue.
Twitter: @JonBream • 612-673-1719