Taylor Swift has been too busy to go to college, but by this point her career probably amounts to an advanced degree. Here are some college classes she would be eminently qualified to teach.
English 1013. Introduction to Fairytales. Only ones that feature a Prince Charming and a common girl who becomes a princess. Required reading: “Cinderella” and the Taylor Swift song “Love Story.”
Public Health 1013. How to Avoid Communicable Diseases. With meet-and-greets, hugs, handshakes and high-fives with fans at every show, Swift is an expert on how not to get sick. Learn the secrets even doctors don’t know. Bring Purell to class.
Music 1013. Introduction to Songwriting. How to convert diary entries into songs. The use of internal rhymes (e.g., rhyming “Stephen” with “believing, deceiving and leaving” in “Hey Stephen”). How to apply similes and metaphors (e.g. “voice like nails on a chalkboard” and “wildfire lies” in “Mean”). Requirement: Must know three chords on guitar or piano.
Interdepartmental Study 1313. The Luckiest Number of All — 13. Numerology, sociology, superstitions, religion, mathematics — we explore all aspects of 13. Class meets at 1300 hours. There will be no class on Friday, Sept. 13, or Friday, Dec. 13, the instructor’s birthday.
Honors Colloquia. Communications 5013. How to Give Award Speeches. Ad libs vs. prepared speeches. How to use gestures. Whom to thank. Picking the right wardrobe and hairdo. How to decide on your date for the big event. This is a special seminar for upper-division and graduate students. Expect a guest lecture from Kanye West.