There are a number of remarkable elements in Bill Murphy's "In a Time of War." First is his uncanny ability to coax small, intimate details from his subjects. Second is his outstanding writing. He weaves the moments that make a life into an astonishingly compelling tapestry.

But most extraordinary is how he manages to avoid histrionics. This book is about sending some of our finest young men and women off to a war from which some will not return. Murphy allows the simple yet eloquent words of the subjects and their loved ones to take center stage; the book is more powerful for his restraint.

The cadets come from all parts of the country but share a number of traits. Most grew up in conservative families. Many have military backgrounds. And all believe in an old-fashioned Norman Rockwell America.

But does that exist? "Americans no longer believed they had to serve their country in the military to be good citizens," Murphy writes. "Instead, they simply had to 'support the troops,' whatever that might mean."

And sometimes not even that. Jen Bryant's calculus professor doesn't believe her husband is going off to war. He schedules a test while she's gone and fails her when she doesn't show up.

This is a book filled with these kinds of moments -- maddening, sad and occasionally inspiring. The parents of one serviceman killed in action comfort the colonel who calls to tell them.

Meanwhile, a bureaucrat in Washington wants to stop paying a small allowance for families staying near Walter Reed Hospital to be near badly injured loved ones.

Most of the cadets become disillusioned. Todd Bryant, Jen's husband, writes home: "These people just frustrate me. They don't want our help here and we could probably never 'win' this war." Days later he dies when a roadside bomb goes off under his Humvee. Shortly thereafter, Jen attempts suicide.

But the biggest disconnect for these young people isn't the mission -- it's that there is no end to it. Many of these cadets want to make the military their career, but if the Army stayed involved in both Iraq and Afghanistan, these young people would go to war every other year. Most of the class seem to opt out at the end of their five-year commitment.

This prompts a retired general to criticize them. Yet in 35 years of military service, the general had two combat tours, in Korea and then Vietnam. These cadets saw that in their first four years of service.

On the morning of Memorial Day in Israel, a two-minute siren sounds and the country comes to a standstill. Everyone -- everyone -- stops what they are doing, including drivers on a highway. In the United States, Memorial Day is an excuse for a car clearance sale.

Israel is a small nation that has been at war from the day it was formed 60 years ago. Everyone knows someone who has fallen, so respect for those who died is understandable. In the United States, most of us are untouched by Iraq and Afghanistan. That will no longer be true for those who read this book.

Curt Schleier is a freelance writer, book critic and author who lives in New Jersey.