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Carolyn Hax

Columnist | Relationships
Carolyn Hax is a 40-something repatriated New Englander with a liberal arts degree and a lot of opinions and that's about it, really, when you get right down to it. Oh, and the shoes. A lot of shoes. Her column, "Tell Me About It," appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.
Recent content from Carolyn Hax

Hax: He's not fit enough to fit her desires

Dear Carolyn: For almost a decade now, I have been close friends with an incredibly kind, compassionate, sweet, and altogether special man. We have been…

Hax: July 4th wedding produces some fireworks

Dear Carolyn: I am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding on July 4th. Because of the date, save-the-date cards were mailed out a year and…

Hax: Up in arms over greeting cards

Dear Carolyn: My son knows that a card says a lot. Last year, my Mother’s Day card was just basic from my son, grandkids and…

Hax: Siblings won't visit mom with Alzheimer's

Dear Carolyn: My mom has Alzheimer’s and lives in an assisted-living facility. I have siblings who never go to see her, and they claim she…

Hax: Is his girlfriend's ex just a friend?

Dear Carolyn: I’ve been dating a woman steadily for four months. Late last year, she dated another man for about six weeks, and they were…

Hax: To handle difficult father-in-law, set priorities

Dear Carolyn: My father-in-law is a classic jerk; he neglected and abused my husband throughout his childhood and teen years. By abuse I mean clobbering…

Hax: You feel caught in the middle: So?

Dear Carolyn: Two close friends of mine have decided they want to explore a relationship together. Great! The problem? One was in a relationship and…

Hax: On Graduation Day, focus on the positives

Dear Carolyn: My daughter graduates from high school in June, and I informed our family of the date this past September.My stepmother called a couple…

Hax: Grave expectations often unwarranted

Dear Carolyn: How can I approach lunch with my self-absorbed sister who is visiting from out of town when I am in the midst of…

Hax: She says he's an ogler, but he denies it

Dear Carolyn: After two years of dating and now nearly two years of living together, my boyfriend can’t seem to stop ogling women. Almost from…

Hax: Time to address this marriage's underpinnings

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have recently started saving for a home, which means clamping down on our budget. I suggested we set a…

Hax: Callous remark demands an apology

Dear Carolyn: My 13-year-old niece is tiny and has a big nose. We live in a community where a lot of teenage girls have cosmetic…

Hax: Daughter's marital strain presents a dilemma

Dear Carolyn: My married daughter, with two young daughters of her own, has decided to file for a separation. I felt from the beginning that…

Hax: Nieces, nephews present a gift quandary

Dear Carolyn: My sister has four school-age children, and my nieces and nephews have, quite frankly, had to do without.My oldest niece (who is on…

Hax: Give sister-in-law the benefit of doubt

Dear Carolyn: Last summer, my sister-in-law cheated on my brother. It was a months-long affair that continued even after my brother found out about it,…

Hax: Talk to sister about callous remark

Dear Carolyn: Two weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law said some horrible things about childless people — apparently forgetting that my husband and I, who…

Hax: With much to lose, it's decision time

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, both 30, have been dating for five years. We are from different countries, and currently live in a country…

Hax: Why some women keep their married name

Dear Carolyn: When a woman marries a man, it is usually love. If she decides to take his last name as her unhyphenated surname, has…

Hax: Expectant friend bothers bride-to-be

Dear Carolyn: I’m getting married in seven months and my best friend just told me she is pregnant with her second child and can’t come…

Hax: Marriage proposal not forthcoming

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, turning 30 and 28 soon, have been together for almost five years and living together for four. We have…

Hax: Reply to rudeness with a simple 'No'

Dear Carolyn: I invited a friend and her family (husband and two children) to vacation with us at my parents’ home this summer. My parents…

Hax: An odd method to choose new husband

Dear Carolyn: I am considering getting remarried three years after an awful divorce. I had young twins, now 5. The man I’m with has a…

Hax: In sibling standoff, silence is not golden

Dear Carolyn: My relationship with my brother and his wife has in later years become one where I drove the several hours to their home,…

Hax: One-upmanship is bringing her down

Dear Carolyn: I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years. She was recently the maid of honor at my wedding. Ever…

Hax: Family's culture complicates upcoming wedding

Dear Carolyn: Long story short, my Indian parents (and by extension my sibs) do not like my significant other because he is a white, non-college-educated…

Hax: Fortysomething ponders a new name

Dear Carolyn: I’m in my 40s and heading to graduate school for a completely different career. I’ve always hated my first name — it sounds…

Hax: Keep the door open for rap-loving son

Dear Carolyn: My teenage son loves rap music. I feel deeply uncomfortable with the misogyny, aggression in the service of revenge and basic crassness of…

Hax: Amid grief, life and weddings go on

Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I have planned our wedding for May 2. My mother passed away from cancer in June of last year, and…

Hax: Still more wisdom from readers

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On children who are anxious about being home alone:Children have different personalities, some are ready to take on responsibility…

Hax: More sage advice from readers

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On resenting sibling bailouts as a dent in one’s own inheritance:I am always shocked by people expecting an inheritance.…

Hax: Readers take over for columnist

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On growing and remaining close to a child who has little in common with you:I’m an only child who…

Hax: An open window to hubby's secrets

Dear Carolyn: I am a snooper. The first time I snooped on my husband it was really just curiosity — he left open a chat…

Hax: Fiancée sounds unready to wed

Dear Carolyn: My fiancée cheated on me. After talking it over, I have forgiven her, and want to move on.Now she is questioning my love…

Hax: Don't 'amputate' sister from your life

Dear Carolyn: My sister is 25 and six years my younger. She is someone I love dearly and is my best friend despite what seems…

Hax: Sister acting off her rocker over broken chair

Dear Carolyn: My sister “Rhonda” is about to give birth to her third child. She already has 2- and 4-year-olds, and I have a 1-year-old.…

Hax: The frustration of marital separation

Dear Carolyn: I’ve been separated from my husband, who wants to reconcile. However, he doesn’t want to go to counseling (and I’m in counseling myself),…

Hax: A troubled twosome, and baby makes three

Dear Carolyn: I have a young baby, 4 months old. I also have a wife. I expressed to my wife recently that I might take…

Hax: Parents learned from Army-bound daughter

While I’m away, readers give the advice.Dear Carolyn: When our daughter began to explore enlisting in the Army, it came as a total surprise, and…

Hax: Try to see "loans” as safety net for sibs

Dear Carolyn: My 88-year-old father recently informed me that he’s decided to change his will. I have four sisters and brothers, and three have taken…

Hax: Son's plan to join Marines a concern

Dear Carolyn: My 20-year-old son wants to enlist in the Marines. He is a very smart kid who was accepted to several good colleges and…

Hax: Weight gain is only part of the problem

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of two years could stand to lose about 20 pounds, which would result in increased energy (she spends a lot of…

Hax: Bromance gets in the way of romance

Dear Carolyn: I’m a forty-something woman living with a thirty-something man. I wanted to be engaged first, but he wasn’t ready and insisted this was…

Hax: Brother's children deserve truth to be told

Dear Carolyn: My brother and sister-in-law are going through an ugly divorce — with her alleging emotional abuse, him trying to get shared custody of…

Hax: Daughter's divorce leaves her in dark anger

Dear Carolyn: My daughter is doing very well post-divorce. I can’t shake the anger I have for her ex, though. He left the marriage for…

Hax: When to reveal a secret sibling?

Dear Carolyn: In a nutshell, I have children with my wife and also a child outside of my marriage with another woman due to infidelity.…

Hax: Boyfriend's grief needs to be treated with care

Dear Carolyn: Is there a limit to how long one must indulge their partner’s grieving period?To make a long story short, my boyfriend’s father committed…

Hax: Mom's guilt flows from overseas home

Dear Carolyn: My sister who lives overseas (for her husband’s job) just e-mailed our younger sister and me: Her twenty-something daughter is distraught after having…

Hax: Caution advised on forming new family

Dear Carolyn: I am a 32-year-old woman who has been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year. We are now making lifelong…

Hax: Middle-school cruelty still haunts

Dear Carolyn: I’m 40 with a wonderful family and fulfilling career. Occasionally I am consumed with regret for past behavior. In middle school, there was…

Hax: Notes, like Dad, can be taken as needed

Dear Carolyn: Many years ago, my father began sending me letters filled with news articles that he thought I’d like. I do like them. And…

Hax: Affairs put marriage on shaky ground

Hi, Carolyn: A year ago (and a year after my wedding) I found out that during the wedding planning, my spouse had an affair. Since…

Hax: Aunt wants to have 'the talk' with teen niece

Dear Carolyn: My niece just turned 15. Physically, she reminds me of myself at her age — she looks about 19. I lost my virginity…

Hax: Wife's fun with kids hurts husband

Dear Carolyn: When we had kids, I stayed home with them while my husband worked, sometimes with long hours and lots of traveling. I got…

Hax: Should son cut family out of his life?

Dear Carolyn: I’ve always been the one in my family to give whenever possible. When I went to college I took on student loans so…

Hax: Parents' love always feels conditional

Dear Carolyn: How do you deal with a family member's "conditional" love? I'm in my mid-30s, and am one of those kids who did not live out their parents' dream, but have a sibling who did. In my heart, I know they are good people, but they seem to be supportive of everyone around me and not me.

Hax: Mom sick of bailing out 46-year-old son

Dear Carolyn: My 46-year-old, divorced son is working full time and lives within walking distance of me in his own apartment. To compare, his 50-year-old,…

Why won't husband wear wedding ring?

Dear Carolyn: What is your opinion of married men who refuse to wear a wedding ring? My husband of many years took his off a few years ago, after we started having problems, and has steadfastly refused to put it back on even though I've stated plainly and repeatedly that it would mean a lot to me if he would wear it again.

Carolyn Hax: Mother-in-laws destructive ways have to stop

Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law pats my daughter's belly after dinner and says, "That's disgusting! Look at that round belly! How horrible!" She's kind of joking, but I don't like it. My daughter is 1, but I still don't like it. And other female relatives have said Mother-in-Law's comments had a big effect on them. She's in her late 70s -- I don't think she's going to change much. So how do I counter the comments, brush them off, drown her out?
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