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Carolyn Hax

Columnist | Relationships
Carolyn Hax is a 40-something repatriated New Englander with a liberal arts degree and a lot of opinions and that's about it, really, when you get right down to it. Oh, and the shoes. A lot of shoes. Her column, "Tell Me About It," appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.
Recent content from Carolyn Hax

Hax: Readers tackle gun safety, offensive music

While I’m away, readers give the advice.   On securing guns I accidentally shot myself in the leg as a 12-year-old — after engaging in…

Hax: More from readers' experiences

While I’m away, readers give the advice. On jockeying wedding dates, venues, baby names I’m a single 44-year-old woman and am horrified by bridezillas and…

Hax: Readers discuss parenting, weight loss

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On frenzied parenthoodA lot of us feel that. Be sure the kids are doing the extracurriculars they truly enjoy,…

Hax: Grandchild-to-be sparks some jealousy

Dear Carolyn: I have a problem I am not proud of. My daughter is pregnant, and so far everything in her pregnancy is routine. When…

Hax: Adoption plans meet a meddling mother-in-law

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are in our late 20s and have decided to start a family through adoption. A childhood illness left me…

Hax: Dad feels excluded from kids' activities

Dear Carolyn: I have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom to our 6-year-old twins. My husband works full time and is out of town…

Hax: Bride blurts out wrong name on wedding night

Dear Carolyn: My honeymoon and marriage are in tatters because of two words I said on my wedding night. A few years ago, I was…

Hax: Classmates shun outgoing 10-year-old

Dear Carolyn: My 10-year-old daughter has a very lively and kind spirit. She isn’t afraid to ask her classmates to play with her or if…

Hax: Mother is mum about paternity

Dear Carolyn: My mother says she will not tell me who my father is and will take the secret to the grave with her. Is…

Hax: Poor sportsmanship is the exception, not the rule

Dear Carolyn: This past weekend we (grandparents) were witness to two of the most appalling examples of poor sportsmanship and lack of self-control in recent…

Hax: Dueling weddings present dilemma

Dear Carolyn: My daughter was just officially engaged. It wasn’t a total surprise, but she’s so happy nonetheless. She had a venue in mind and…

Hax: They're separate, but maybe not equal

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I have been dating nine months, long-distance. We met in college seven years ago and just recently reconnected last year.…

Hax: Good listener is at a loss for words

Dear Carolyn: I’m a 33-year-old widowed guy, a good listener, patient, and I empathize well. Recently, I have become a magnet for female friends with…

Hax: Offer special time for sensitive 10-year-old

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I will welcome our first child together in October. He also has two daughters: a 10-year-old from a past relationship,…

Hax: He's not fit enough to fit her desires

Dear Carolyn: For almost a decade now, I have been close friends with an incredibly kind, compassionate, sweet, and altogether special man. We have been…

Hax: July 4th wedding produces some fireworks

Dear Carolyn: I am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding on July 4th. Because of the date, save-the-date cards were mailed out a year and…

Hax: Up in arms over greeting cards

Dear Carolyn: My son knows that a card says a lot. Last year, my Mother’s Day card was just basic from my son, grandkids and…

Hax: Siblings won't visit mom with Alzheimer's

Dear Carolyn: My mom has Alzheimer’s and lives in an assisted-living facility. I have siblings who never go to see her, and they claim she…

Hax: Is his girlfriend's ex just a friend?

Dear Carolyn: I’ve been dating a woman steadily for four months. Late last year, she dated another man for about six weeks, and they were…

Hax: To handle difficult father-in-law, set priorities

Dear Carolyn: My father-in-law is a classic jerk; he neglected and abused my husband throughout his childhood and teen years. By abuse I mean clobbering…

Hax: You feel caught in the middle: So?

Dear Carolyn: Two close friends of mine have decided they want to explore a relationship together. Great! The problem? One was in a relationship and…

Hax: On Graduation Day, focus on the positives

Dear Carolyn: My daughter graduates from high school in June, and I informed our family of the date this past September.My stepmother called a couple…

Hax: Grave expectations often unwarranted

Dear Carolyn: How can I approach lunch with my self-absorbed sister who is visiting from out of town when I am in the midst of…

Hax: She says he's an ogler, but he denies it

Dear Carolyn: After two years of dating and now nearly two years of living together, my boyfriend can’t seem to stop ogling women. Almost from…

Hax: Time to address this marriage's underpinnings

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have recently started saving for a home, which means clamping down on our budget. I suggested we set a…

Hax: Callous remark demands an apology

Dear Carolyn: My 13-year-old niece is tiny and has a big nose. We live in a community where a lot of teenage girls have cosmetic…

Hax: Daughter's marital strain presents a dilemma

Dear Carolyn: My married daughter, with two young daughters of her own, has decided to file for a separation. I felt from the beginning that…

Hax: Nieces, nephews present a gift quandary

Dear Carolyn: My sister has four school-age children, and my nieces and nephews have, quite frankly, had to do without.My oldest niece (who is on…

Hax: Give sister-in-law the benefit of doubt

Dear Carolyn: Last summer, my sister-in-law cheated on my brother. It was a months-long affair that continued even after my brother found out about it,…

Hax: Talk to sister about callous remark

Dear Carolyn: Two weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law said some horrible things about childless people — apparently forgetting that my husband and I, who…

Hax: With much to lose, it's decision time

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, both 30, have been dating for five years. We are from different countries, and currently live in a country…

Hax: Why some women keep their married name

Dear Carolyn: When a woman marries a man, it is usually love. If she decides to take his last name as her unhyphenated surname, has…

Hax: Expectant friend bothers bride-to-be

Dear Carolyn: I’m getting married in seven months and my best friend just told me she is pregnant with her second child and can’t come…

Hax: Marriage proposal not forthcoming

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, turning 30 and 28 soon, have been together for almost five years and living together for four. We have…

Hax: Reply to rudeness with a simple 'No'

Dear Carolyn: I invited a friend and her family (husband and two children) to vacation with us at my parents’ home this summer. My parents…

Hax: An odd method to choose new husband

Dear Carolyn: I am considering getting remarried three years after an awful divorce. I had young twins, now 5. The man I’m with has a…

Hax: In sibling standoff, silence is not golden

Dear Carolyn: My relationship with my brother and his wife has in later years become one where I drove the several hours to their home,…

Hax: One-upmanship is bringing her down

Dear Carolyn: I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years. She was recently the maid of honor at my wedding. Ever…

Hax: Family's culture complicates upcoming wedding

Dear Carolyn: Long story short, my Indian parents (and by extension my sibs) do not like my significant other because he is a white, non-college-educated…

Hax: Fortysomething ponders a new name

Dear Carolyn: I’m in my 40s and heading to graduate school for a completely different career. I’ve always hated my first name — it sounds…

Hax: Keep the door open for rap-loving son

Dear Carolyn: My teenage son loves rap music. I feel deeply uncomfortable with the misogyny, aggression in the service of revenge and basic crassness of…

Hax: Amid grief, life and weddings go on

Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I have planned our wedding for May 2. My mother passed away from cancer in June of last year, and…

Hax: Still more wisdom from readers

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On children who are anxious about being home alone:Children have different personalities, some are ready to take on responsibility…

Hax: A troubled twosome, and baby makes three

Dear Carolyn: I have a young baby, 4 months old. I also have a wife. I expressed to my wife recently that I might take…

Hax: Parents learned from Army-bound daughter

While I’m away, readers give the advice.Dear Carolyn: When our daughter began to explore enlisting in the Army, it came as a total surprise, and…

Hax: Try to see "loans” as safety net for sibs

Dear Carolyn: My 88-year-old father recently informed me that he’s decided to change his will. I have four sisters and brothers, and three have taken…

Hax: Son's plan to join Marines a concern

Dear Carolyn: My 20-year-old son wants to enlist in the Marines. He is a very smart kid who was accepted to several good colleges and…

Hax: Weight gain is only part of the problem

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of two years could stand to lose about 20 pounds, which would result in increased energy (she spends a lot of…

Hax: Bromance gets in the way of romance

Dear Carolyn: I’m a forty-something woman living with a thirty-something man. I wanted to be engaged first, but he wasn’t ready and insisted this was…

Hax: Brother's children deserve truth to be told

Dear Carolyn: My brother and sister-in-law are going through an ugly divorce — with her alleging emotional abuse, him trying to get shared custody of…

Hax: Daughter's divorce leaves her in dark anger

Dear Carolyn: My daughter is doing very well post-divorce. I can’t shake the anger I have for her ex, though. He left the marriage for…

Hax: When to reveal a secret sibling?

Dear Carolyn: In a nutshell, I have children with my wife and also a child outside of my marriage with another woman due to infidelity.…

Hax: Boyfriend's grief needs to be treated with care

Dear Carolyn: Is there a limit to how long one must indulge their partner’s grieving period?To make a long story short, my boyfriend’s father committed…

Hax: Mom's guilt flows from overseas home

Dear Carolyn: My sister who lives overseas (for her husband’s job) just e-mailed our younger sister and me: Her twenty-something daughter is distraught after having…

Hax: Caution advised on forming new family

Dear Carolyn: I am a 32-year-old woman who has been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year. We are now making lifelong…

Hax: Middle-school cruelty still haunts

Dear Carolyn: I’m 40 with a wonderful family and fulfilling career. Occasionally I am consumed with regret for past behavior. In middle school, there was…

Hax: Notes, like Dad, can be taken as needed

Dear Carolyn: Many years ago, my father began sending me letters filled with news articles that he thought I’d like. I do like them. And…

Hax: Affairs put marriage on shaky ground

Hi, Carolyn: A year ago (and a year after my wedding) I found out that during the wedding planning, my spouse had an affair. Since…

Hax: Aunt wants to have 'the talk' with teen niece

Dear Carolyn: My niece just turned 15. Physically, she reminds me of myself at her age — she looks about 19. I lost my virginity…

Hax: Wife's fun with kids hurts husband

Dear Carolyn: When we had kids, I stayed home with them while my husband worked, sometimes with long hours and lots of traveling. I got…

Hax: Should son cut family out of his life?

Dear Carolyn: I’ve always been the one in my family to give whenever possible. When I went to college I took on student loans so…

Hax: Parents' love always feels conditional

Dear Carolyn: How do you deal with a family member's "conditional" love? I'm in my mid-30s, and am one of those kids who did not live out their parents' dream, but have a sibling who did. In my heart, I know they are good people, but they seem to be supportive of everyone around me and not me.

Hax: Mom sick of bailing out 46-year-old son

Dear Carolyn: My 46-year-old, divorced son is working full time and lives within walking distance of me in his own apartment. To compare, his 50-year-old,…

Why won't husband wear wedding ring?

Dear Carolyn: What is your opinion of married men who refuse to wear a wedding ring? My husband of many years took his off a few years ago, after we started having problems, and has steadfastly refused to put it back on even though I've stated plainly and repeatedly that it would mean a lot to me if he would wear it again.

Carolyn Hax: Mother-in-laws destructive ways have to stop

Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law pats my daughter's belly after dinner and says, "That's disgusting! Look at that round belly! How horrible!" She's kind of joking, but I don't like it. My daughter is 1, but I still don't like it. And other female relatives have said Mother-in-Law's comments had a big effect on them. She's in her late 70s -- I don't think she's going to change much. So how do I counter the comments, brush them off, drown her out?
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