When Marilyn J. Mason learned of her advanced lung cancer four years ago, the renowned psychologist, author and consultant with deep Minnesota roots set some modest goals to accomplish before she died.
She wanted to write another book, go on safari in Africa one last time and live to see her 80th birthday. She died Oct. 16 at age 81, having accomplished all three. In fact she had two parties when she turned 80, one near her family in the Twin Cities and another in Santa Fe, N.M., where she spent her last decade and a half.
"She said to me that she was leaving without a bucket list, because she finished it," said Gary Cohen, an executive coach in Minneapolis and longtime friend of Mason's. "That's who she was. She lived life to the edge, and she did it to the end. I think that's what drew people to her."
Draw people, she did. Several friends and family members said she acted as a "connector" wherever she lived, whether it was in the Twin Cities where she worked as a psychologist in private practice and on staff at the University of Minnesota, or in New Mexico, where her widely varying roles included volunteering for not-for-profits such as the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum.
Throughout her life, she worked as an organizer and tour guide on scores of group trips to exotic locations, developing a close connection in particular with the Maasai people in northern Tanzania. In therapy, she was known for her deep insight and sometimes-unconventional techniques such as getting family members to go rock-climbing together to expose trust issues that could be addressed in therapy.
At parties, Mason was always the person who introduced strangers. Anna Hargreaves first met her when Mason was doing a book reading at the old Hungry Mind bookstore in St. Paul. The two women had friends in common, and when they both moved to Santa Fe to escape the tough climate, they bonded quickly and became decadelong friends.
"She made friends here very quickly, and then she wanted her friends to meet her new friends," Hargreaves said. "Half of our friends here are actually people that she introduced us to."
Oprah Winfrey, who invited Mason to be a guest on her television show five times over the years, recognized her moxie. So did the Dalai Lama, with whom Mason was close, according to Cohen. Powerful families and corporations never stopped hiring Mason for private counseling and organizational consulting. A corporate-client list on her website includes Cargill, Target and 3M.
Former Medtronic CEO Bill George said he was a family-counseling client of Mason's — sessions that proved so insightful that Mason wrote about George's and his son's relationship in one of her books. "She was a humanist, a wonderfully warm and thoughtful person with deep insights into you and your family, and human nature," George said.
At age 77, atop her lecturing, book-writing and traveling, Mason learned that she would have another job: surviving Stage III lung cancer for as long as possible.
She hadn't smoked in 50 years, but her friends don't describe her ever becoming bitter. She embraced the challenge and kept fighting. She discovered that her genetics made her eligible for several experimental therapies that ended up extending her life by more than four years, during which she finished her bucket list and tied up loose ends with family and friends. She summoned her grandkids from two continents to her hospital bedside in San Diego for one last visit, and died three days later.
Even in her last weeks, Mason never stopped touching everyone around her.
"She made such an influence on the hospice people, one of her health aides said, 'She changed my life.' And she had met her for two weeks," said Mason's daughter, Jeanine Stelli. "Even the nurse said, 'I have a special part of my heart for your mom.' "
A memorial service for Mason has not yet been scheduled.
Joe Carlson • 612-673-4779
Twitter: @_JoeCarlson
