Q: I have a question about whiskey dick, or rather, the female equivalent. While my body has no problem producing the natural lubricant necessary for sex, it seems I can never orgasm after I've been drinking. Everything feels great, I just can't get there no matter how much effort I put in. Is this basically the same thing guys experience? If so, what exactly is going on, and is there anything I can do?

A: Here's something kind of weird: Alcohol inhibits testosterone production in men the minute it hits the bloodstream, but that first drink will actually increase testosterone levels in women. (Studies have found this particularly noticeable in women who use hormonal birth control.) Testosterone, as we know, is that all-important hormone that controls our sex drives.

Interestingly, those hormone levels, and consequently our ability to reach orgasm during sex, will start to drop as soon as that second Strongbow starts to disappear. Nothing can reverse the effect, besides abstaining from alcohol for a day or three, depending on your metabolism. You may still be feeling randy after a couple of drinks, but that can be attributed to dilated vessels delivering a little extra blood to your ladyparts, as well as good old loss of inhibition, both side effects of alcohol consumption.

Another fun side effect of alcohol is altered perception. Not just the beer-goggles effect, where that guy you were making out with in front of the whole bar last night isn't as cute as you thought he was, but the perception that it was a great idea to make out with him in front of the whole bar in the first place. This effect often carries over into the bedroom, where we perceive that we're giving a knockout performance, when in reality we belong on an X-rated blooper reel. If you've had six PBRs and two Jamesons and now believe yourself to be in the throes of one of the most passionate lovemaking sessions in history, you're not. You're just drunk.

Q: [In reference to your April 7 column, "A Good Buzz"], how is the Rabbit Habit for a sex toy? This is the one featured on "Oprah" with the rotating pearls inside. If I remember correctly, it has a rubbery exterior. Safe?

--Lisa

A: In a word, no. O Magazine proclaimed the Vibratex Rabbit Habit "the Rolls Royce of vibrators" in 2006 because of its dual-action stimulation: Gyrating pearls inside the shaft enhance penetration while a set of vibrating bunny ears stimulates the clitoris. Vibratex, the Japanese manufacturer, declares that the phthalate-free version of this toy is made from a "safe" elastomer, which independent tests have confirmed. However, the material that it's made from is porous. You generally want to avoid using toys made from porous materials, as those tiny craters can harbor microscopic organisms that can lead to infection. Shop for rabbit-like, dual stimulation toys made from nontoxic silicone, like the Twist N Shake line from Fun Factory or the Lia line from California Exotics. Both collections are around the same price as the Rabbit Habit, are easily found online and come with added peace of mind.

Q: Another consideration to point out to the writer of the letter in your April 21 column, "Drunk for Life," is if the person is highly functioning but just drinks a lot, he may be medicating for some other issue. I didn't learn until I was 37 that I have Attention Deficit Disorder, and alcohol was my medication to deal with social situations. Whether or not the boyfriend goes to detox (alcoholic or not) and how he behaves in detox (what other issues he has besides alcoholism) will be a huge indicator.

--Eric

A: Thanks for sharing, Eric.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!