Q: So, I decided to buy a vibrator this weekend and convinced a friend of mine to go with me (she wants one, too). But then I realized I have no idea what I'm doing. I thought I'd see if you have any advice to offer: where to go, what to look for, or any good resources you know of. Thanks!

A: As it so happens, I do know someone who can and will expound endlessly on the subject of sex toys. Alicia Steele is a salesperson and educator at Smitten Kitten (3010 Lyndale Av. S., Mpls.), as well as an avid vibrator enthusiast. (No, really, she says she has a trunk full of them.) I asked Alicia if she had any advice for a first-time buyer, and she had all kinds of tips.

The first step in buying a vibrator is to make sure your toy is body-safe. What's body-safe? Take it away, Alicia: "Most sex toys are made out of solid materials with added plasticizers to make them soft and pliable. The problem with this is these plasticizers are toxic for your body and the toy is constantly degrading."

Gross, right? There are no laws regulating what sex toys are made of, because they're still considered a novelty. Hopefully that will change, but for now Alicia has some simple advice on how to tell if the vibrator you're buying is safe: "The best test you have is the smell test. Sex toys shouldn't smell. If they do, it means that a gas is releasing from the toy -- yuck."

Buy your vibrator from a store or online retailer that sells only body-safe toys. Smitten Kitten is one, as is Touch Boutique in Eden Prairie (574 Prairie Center Dr.). And if you're shopping online, look for the phrase "phthalate-free." Phthalates are those toxic plasticizers Alicia is talking about, and trusted websites like GoodVibes.com will list in each product's description whether or not it is phthalate-free.

Now that you know what to avoid, how do you know what to look for? Alicia says the first question she always asks customers is whether they're shopping for an external vibrator or an internal one. External vibrators are just that: Usually shaped like a bullet or an egg, they're used to provide stimulation on the outside. Internal vibrators are longer, in order to reach inside. "Internal vibrators can penetrate your body, but they don't have to," says Alicia. "Anything that can be used internally can also be used externally." If you're not sure what will work best for you, why not go with one that pulls double duty?

So now you're looking for a phthalate-free, internal vibrator. That narrows it down to about a million options. Alicia to the rescue: "Look for something that has multiple power levels. I like toys with dials or gradual manipulation buttons to smoothly transfer through power levels, not a jarring change." She also recommends buying a vibrator with pulse pattern options. Some people find that a single-intensity, straight vibration eventually numbs the area, which is rather counterproductive. Using a pulsating pattern will help trick your body into being engaged, so the area you're stimulating doesn't get used to the vibration.

OK, two last tips and Alicia is out. "When buying your first toy, I say the best ones are around $40 to $65. My favorite toy costs $95, but my second favorite is 10 bucks." The most expensive vibrator in the store isn't going to do the trick for everyone, so don't automatically reach for the top shelf. Likewise, you don't need to buy the same toy your friend buys (unless you're sure it will work for you). Also, don't break the bank on your first purchase. Eventually you'll know which type of vibrator is best for you, and that's when you drop the cash. "Rechargeable toys or electronic toys [as opposed to battery-operated] will be more of an investment and last you longer," Alicia adds.

I think Alicia should write a pamphlet called "Your First Vibrator." Actually, she probably already has.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!