Is there anything more exhausting or perplexing than an extrovert? Socializing is like breathing. ...
I'm sorry, but is there anything more exhausting or perplexing than an introvert?
Excuse me, but you just interrupted. What I was saying was that socializing is akin to breathing for extroverts, who actually like going to parties (and book clubs and concerts and. ... ), even when they don't know anyone. ...
As opposed to introverts who would live in their La-Z-Boys if we didn't save them from themselves. They speak in a whisper, clam up. ...
That's not it at all. We just think before we. ...
And what's with this people avoidance? You antisocial or something?
Some things don't make sense. Love is a good example. We could live in a world where everyone who wanted to stay home and read a book partnered with someone sharing that desire. Instead, many of us leap mysteriously toward the Other who wants to co-host the neighborhood progressive dinner. This is probably a good thing. Some therapists believe that choosing an opposite is the only way we can become whole. At the very least, say introverts and extroverts who are in love with each other, life surely is interesting and, in the best cases, partners inspire them to grow.
"Trust me, we have had our challenges," said Lariza Ozuna, 39, a self-professed introvert engaged to extroverted Andrew Carlson, 32. "But we've also had our triumphs."
For starters, Ozuna is learning why her fiancé would prefer a trip to Las Vegas over her preference, a weekend at a cabin Up North. "I couldn't understand why he 'needed' to be around other people," said Ozuna, an auditor for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. "Wasn't my company enough?" Yes. Well, no. Well, yes. Yes, loves her. "But he needs people around him to relax and unwind," she said. "Introverts tend to do that in their heads."
They're working now "to experience the other side and enjoy it." Last New Year's Eve, Ozuna and Carlson of Minneapolis stayed in a B&B in a quiet little town. (Guess whose idea that was?) "And I can actually see the fun in spending a weekend in Vegas together or with friends," she said. We'll keep you posted.
Claudia Gehrig, 60, of Champlin, is the extrovert in her duo, schmoozing with everyone at a party while husband Lou, 65, "finds somebody he knows and talks to him." She craves church outings with lots of people. He prefers golf. It's worked for them for 40 years.
Ray Martin, 33, and Nissa Billmyer, 26, of Hopkins, met while volunteering at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. She, the introvert, worked behind the scenes with finances and planning. The boisterous and animated Martin hammed it up hawking beer.
Reserved and shy Billmyer said Martin "has taught me how to relax and find my sense of humor. I have given him better decision-making skills, even encouraging him to pursue his college degree."
'Intros' often misunderstood
She's on to something. A common extrovert trait is to act first, think later, says introvert Marti Olsen Laney, author of three books on introvert-extrovert relationships, and in a "mixed marriage" with extrovert Michael Laney for 42 years.
Extroverts are defined, though, by their hunger for interactions with others. People energize them. Being alone drains them, can even make them sad. Introverts, on the other hand, refuel alone and are drained by people. Being introverted does not mean being antisocial or shy, however, although some introverts are shy. Introverts can be assertive and socially confident. They simply prefer an introspective approach to life.
Which brings us to an important point. Nobody is a complete extrovert or introvert. We all have a little of the Other inside of us.
Take the Gehrigs, the Champlin couple. Lou, while an introvert, is also a middle-school social studies teacher, hardly the vocation for someone with no people cravings. His wife, Claudia, while jazzed by interacting with others, also loves sitting in front of a fire with a good book or knitting needles.
Forty years into marriage, she guesses their success is due to love, of course, as well as appreciation of their differences and a willingness to cross over to the other side on occasion.
"Or maybe," Claudia said with a laugh, "we're too stubborn to do anything else."
Gail Rosenblum • 612-673-7350