Spears tale veers from tawdry to tragic

Britney Spears has provided me with endless hours of entertainment over the past seven years, and I'm not just talking about her softcore-porn music videos. I'm referring to the quickie marriage in Las Vegas, K-Fed, the Madonna smooch session, the missing underwear. Good, outrageous stuff.

But laughing at Spears isn't fun anymore.

From the moment she shaved her head last February to her recent stint in a psychiatric ward, the Spears story has switched from gossip to tragedy. I no longer take giddy pleasure in her latest "oops" incident. Instead, I have a sickening feeling that we're witnessing a slow, agonizing death -- and the paparazzi is there to capture every moment.

Depending on In Touch Weekly and TMZ to accurately and fairly record such traumatic fare is like having the hospital custodian perform open-heart surgery. I've spent some time among these lens lurkers and they are among the most insensitive, unethical goons you'll ever meet, barking rudely at people to show off a little skin and hiding behind bushes, a tough feat considering many of these guys are quite overweight. The fact that Spears was dating a member of that pack is additional proof that she's extremely troubled. No surprise that he took full advantage of the relationship by selling photos of his momentary girlfriend and alerting his buddies about her next stumble into the public.

This is serious business about a young woman in the midst of a serious crisis, and it no longer belongs in the same arena as Nicole Kidman's pregnancy, Pamela Anderson's divorce and the feuds on "The Hills." In terms of news value, it has more in common with the story of that teenager who went missing in Aruba, except in this case, we've got someone who's gotten lost right before our eyes.

Some people get it. A recent memo from the Associated Press' assistant bureau chief in Los Angeles instructed staffers that "virtually everything involving Britney is a big deal."

But the vast majority of media gatekeepers will most likely argue that celebrity meltdowns don't count as important news. Usually, they'd be right.

But the threat-level-orange (make that neon orange) egregiousness of the recent Spears incidents makes her a special case.

To a significant segment of our population -- almost anyone under the age of 25 -- Spears is (or was) as much a part of their cultural landscape as any presidential candidate or foreign leader. Cringe at that fact all you want, but a young woman who sells more than 83 million albums is a VIP any way you slice it.

Then there are the two little kids involved. In her new single, she sings: "I guess I can't see the harm in working and being a mama." Uh, the harm, Britney, is that you're doing a horrible job in both departments -- and that should be of concern to more Americans than those trolling the Internet for juicy gossip.

Spears' actions also give the media an opportunity to explore an all-encompassing list of broadbased issues: depression, addiction, mental illness, child welfare. I was certain that the news of sister Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at age 16 would trigger an avalanche of newspaper stories on teen pregnancy. I was wrong; it was a mere trickle. We can expect speculation over whether Britney bought a pregnancy test to get more attention from the media than the question of whether she's suicidal -- although the Associated Press has already prepared an obituary.

Roy Peter Clark, one of the best writing coaches in the country, has contributed a terrific piece to poynter.org that challenges bona fide journalists to use the Britney Spears ordeal as an excuse to churn out more pieces on mental illness. Let's hope he gets some takers.

But, as far as I can tell, Spears is not a mean-spirited person. It doesn't take a psych major to tell that this is a woman screaming out for help, and that the people closest to her are ill equipped, or unwilling, to hear her cries.

I'm not the person to beg Spears to seek some legitimate help, although I suspect I'd be a more valuable counselor than Dr. Phil. I can ask that we all stop trolling the Internet for the latest gossip, turn off the tube everytime TMZ gleefully reports her latest mishap and boycott tabloid magazines that use her predicament as cover material.

Instead, it's time to send some responsible coverage, and a few prayers, in her direction.

But we'd better hurry. Both we and Spears may be running out of time.