PREPARING KIDS FOR A PARENT'S OVERSEAS DEPLOYMENT

Your husband is deploying overseas for six months. How do you prepare your young kids?

"Kids are primarily self-centered," says child and family psychotherapist Fran Walfish, author of "The Self-Aware Parent" (Palgrave Macmillan, $17). "But in this situation, they're going to worry most about Dad's safety and well-being."

The job of the at-home parent is to alleviate those fears and keep life as normal as possible. Walfish recommends the following steps.

Sit down with the children to tell them the news. This should be done by both parents three to four weeks before the departure date. "You want to give them enough time to help them process the news without overloading them with anxiety. Six months is a very long absence. It's not fair to give them only three or four days."

Give them realistic, but not scary, scenarios. "Dad should describe a [normal] experience they can imagine him doing. 'We're going to get up and exercise and have breakfast. Then I'll walk to the showers.' Children will already have their imaginations going wild. If you can describe a routine that sounds similar to theirs at home, that will really help."

Try to keep in regular contact. "A phone call or e-mail ... helps them trust that Dad is OK and will come back. If phones and Skype are not possible, it's really helpful if Dad can write letters to each child once a week -- just short and sweet, 'Thinking of you. Missing you. Thought of you when I saw some pretty rocks on the beach.'"

Give each child one of his unlaundered T-shirts. It's "something [they] can hold on to that smells like Daddy and can comfort them when they're missing him."

Expect sleep disruption and behavior changes. "For the parent remaining behind, maintaining consistent routines, boundaries, rewards and consequences is extremely important. ... Kids thrive and feel a sense of security when life doesn't change along with the big change of Dad leaving."

Encourage the kids to talk about their feelings. "Mom should let the children know she's available any time feelings come up -- sadness, loneliness, worry, anger."

Mom should try to carve out some time for herself. "You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others."

CHICAGO TRIBUNE