We have just passed the holiday with 23,046 songs, and now we're heading for the holiday that has ... one.
You'd think there would be a better balance, no? Fewer Christmas songs, more New Year's songs. We can shave a few tunes off the Yule playlist, and perhaps repurpose them.
We can probably live without hearing "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" ever again, especially if your tree is in the corner and you keep hitting the wall as you attempt rock-assisted circumnavigation. It could be a New Year's Eve song.
"Clockin' along the big party
Have a happy holiday
Better put down that champagne flute
You've had sixteen today!
You will feel a sense of horror when you check your phone
Uber rates are six times normal
You will never get back home"
Or, what if we repurposed "O Tannenbaum":
"O buffet brie, o buffet brie
How hard to cut your rind is
O buffet brie, o buffet brie
I wonder where host's mind is
She set a knife whose edge is dead
The brie's too cold, it will not spread
O buffet brie, o buffet brie
You broke the too-thin craaaacker"
Or maybe the seemingly endless "Little Drummer Boy":
"Come, they told me pa rumpa pum pum
A brand new year to see pa rumpa pum pum
A bottle you should bring pa rumpa pum pum
Auld Lang Syne we will sing pa rumpa pum pum"
Yes, sadly, that's as boring as the original, which is the "Bolero" of Christmas songs.
Speaking of "Auld Lang Syne": Why?
What does it mean? "Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind."
Then the line repeats, ending with "And days of auld lang syne." Hardly anyone knows what this means. We gather that "syne" is the noun, and that it is both lang and auld. For all we know, it's an ancient Scottish curse, and that's why the year never seems to go as we'd hoped.
Let's look at some of the less-popular verses:
"And there's a hand, my trusty fiere
And gie's a hand o' thine
And we'll tak a right gude-willy waught
For auld lang syne"
If Robert Burns had kept going he would have written a verse that went:
"Ooh ee ooh ah ah,
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
for auld lang syne"
... and people might be belting it out Friday night.
Well, what matters is enjoying yourself, not nitpicking the lyrics, I suppose. Happy New Year! Thanks for reading, and may 2022 find you hale and happy. Even if we are another year aulder.
