Scared silly

Spoofing the horror genre is almost as old as Dracula’s grandpappy, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be good, bloody fun. In “Scream Queens,” Emma Roberts pulls out all the stops as a college student more concerned with popularity than the fact her sorority sisters are being knocked off by a stalker in a red devil uniform. The show aims to generate laughs that range from outrageous (a victim responds to the devil’s threats via text rather than screams) to subtle (casting “Halloween” star Jamie Lee Curtis as a perverse dean). The killer’s identity doesn’t really matter. The more compelling mystery: how long it’ll take for “Glee” diva Lea Michele to be unshackled from her neck brace and lead a rousing rendition of “Monster Mash.” 7 p.m. Tuesday, KMSP, Ch. 9

‘Report’ card

“Minority Report,” based on the Tom Cruise vehicle, stars Meagan Good as a cocky homicide detective in 2065 who teams up with Stark Sands, who can see crimes before they happen. Switching genders from the film and book version is often just a novelty, but in this case it works thanks to sympathetic performances by the two relatively unknown leads, coming soon to a Sexiest People Alive issue nearest you. 8 p.m. Monday, KMSP, Ch. 9

Operation rescue

As if special agent Leroy Gibbs didn’t have enough troubles. After being shot in last season’s finale of “NCIS,” Mark Harmon’s character learns that the doctor being entrusted with his life is none other than “Two and a Half Men” star Jon Cryer. He’d better pray his anesthesiologist isn’t Charlie Sheen. 7 p.m. Tuesday, WCCO, Ch. 4

‘Family’ reunion

“Modern Family,” which returns this week, may be getting a bit creaky in its middle age, but remains one of network TV’s most well-crafted sitcoms. Yes, the characters tend to fall into the same ol’ predictable patterns — but doesn’t everyone in your real-life family do the same? The most significant change? A sudden growth spurt in Gloria and Jay’s “baby.” 8 p.m. Wednesday, KSTP, Ch. 5

Neal Justin