Q: How do you tell your date that vaping is a deal breaker?
A: The sooner you bring it up, the better. If you do it when you first meet, you can tackle the issue before either of you gets too invested in the relationship. If you are using a dating app, don't even get to the meeting stage. Make it clear on your profile that you are looking for nonsmokers/nonvapers.
If you meet a vaper who has long-term potential, you can try to encourage breaking the habit or decreasing usage. You also could offer your support in the process. But it's best to be honest because, at some point, your true feelings will come out. If the person isn't able or willing to adjust their behavior, you'll likely end up feeling resentful. Accept the fact that the two of you might not be a good fit.
We all deserve to be with someone who embraces who we are — including those who are vapers and those who hate it.
ERIN TILLMAN, dating coach and author of "The Consent Guidebook"
A: Telling someone that something is a deal-breaker — be it their vaping, weight, profession, religion or whatever — is rife with the potential for the other person to come away insulted. Don't even bring it up. It's not your job to change them. Flip it around: Would you like that person to detail what's "wrong" with you?
Just say that the two of you are not a fit but that you're sure they're going to make someone else really happy one day, before wishing them the best of luck. Full honesty is great in theory, but in practice, it's kind of tactless and usually unnecessary.
EVAN MARC KATZ, dating coach and author of "Why You're Still Single"
