Research has clearly documented that marital tension and arguments rise significantly after the birth of the first child. Marital satisfaction declines as parents grapple with the dilemma of trying to raise a child while working, being a good spouse and maintaining individual identity.By studying the one-third of marriages that do well in spite of children, researchers Alyson Shapiro and John Gottman were able to identify the three key things done by happy couples:

Stay friends. This isn't easy once you take on the intense and never-ending responsibilities of parenthood. There are many times when children must be the first priority, but it becomes a problem when children always take precedence. Successful couples make certain that alone time with a spouse occurs on a regular basis. It's more important to spend 10 to 15 minutes daily just chatting about what's going on in your lives than it is to go on a weekend trip once a year.

Learn how to resolve conflicts. Spouses fight more frequently once children enter their lives. Successful parents disagree, but do so in a way that is gentle and understanding with each other. Avoid inflammatory language and name calling, and pick a good time to talk. Learn to compromise. Realize that there is rarely a single perfect solution to a problem but rather a variety of approaches that might work.

Stay connected by family and personal rituals. It could be something as simple as family meals, daily walks or watching the same TV show together. It's all about staying connected to the most important person in your life -- your spouse.

With hard work and focused attention, it's possible to be a great parent and a wonderful marriage partner.