Ask Amy: It's time to put up the 'no vacancy' sign

Dear Amy: How does one gently say "no" to an acquaintance who calls and wants to visit my area and stay in my home? They have visited in the past and I am accommodating, but I have kept my actual feelings quiet, so they will be surprised when I say "no."

They are very demanding and judgmental. They have a strong personality and will bad-mouth me to mutual friends if I do not comply.

In recent years I have allowed them to enter into my life, only to wish I hadn't. I know I need to get a backbone about this, but what is a good way to say no gently?

Amy says: Issue a solid "no" attached to a vague rationale. Don't get too exact, because pushy houseguests have a talent for driving right through specific explanations, excuses, and details.

For instance, You: "I have a conference that week." Them: "I'll switch my dates to the following week."

You: "My cat Thomas is allergic to people." Them: "That's OK — you can put Thomas in a kennel."

You: "The floor in my guest bedroom is being refinished." Them: "I'll just stay in your room. You can sleep on the kitchen floor."

Life is too precious to spend even a portion of it laying out the guest towels for toxic people.

Dear Amy: We love our electric-powered car. It has just enough range to get us to a beach house we rented for vacation — but not back again — without recharging. I snaked an extension cord to charge the car from the house, but I felt like I was being sneaky,

Should I feel bad? Should the host expect that guests will use a certain amount of electricity? I wouldn't ask the house's owner to pay for a tank of gas. What are your thoughts?

Amy says: My first thought is that you should have used your computer or phone to map out charging stations along your route — and close to your destination — and used those stations to charge your car.

Additionally, you wouldn't feel bad now if you had run this past the landlord before your stay. Next time, you could say, "We have an electric car that uses about $5 worth of electricity to fully charge. We can charge it from a regular 110-volt standard household plug. Are you OK with us charging one time during our stay in the house? We'd be happy to add the cost to our rental fee."