Dear Amy: I have been divorced for two years. I frequently see my two young daughters, and remain on decent terms with my ex.

Several friends have chosen to "side" with my ex-wife. There was no side to take. I believe our divorce was our business and not theirs. But they have intimated that they do not want to be around the person (me, allegedly) who caused the failure of the marriage.

While I recognize that they are free to choose, in an angry moment, I unfollowed all of them on social media. But now I miss keeping up with their families and lives, even through a screen.

I've considered writing each of them an e-mail or letter, wishing them well and asking that we reconnect. Is that the best course of action, or should I let sleeping dogs lie?

Amy says: These people are all thoroughly out of your life at this point, and because of that, there is no downside to you reaching out. Either they accept your bid and let you in, or they continue to respect their "unfriended" status.

I do detect a certain tone in your query, however. Based on your description, it sounds as if you left the household and your wife is now the primary parent raising the children.

Given those details, plus the fact that you abruptly broke off contact with these people, you are behaving like a protagonist who is now reckoning with the consequences of the choices he has made.

Yes, after a divorce, friends do choose sides, and while that seems cowardly, they often choose to identify with the parent who has the kids, especially if the friends also have children and there is a strong social history between the families.

Your obvious frustration and defensive posture won't help your case. Be sure to keep that out of the message you send. You might say, "This has been the toughest period of my life. The dust seems to have settled, and we are in a pretty good place. I'm working on my own issues, and making progress. I find that I really miss seeing updates about your life. We share such a long and rich history. I'm hoping to reconnect, at least through social media."

Forget about the gift

Dear Amy: My nephew is going to graduate from high school and I have not been invited to either the graduation or an open house his family is having.

I have saved up a considerable amount of money to give to him, but am now wondering if I should even send it. I'm thinking that I would rather use the money on expenses I have.

My brother already knows the amount I have saved, so if I send less, he will probably call me out on it. I know this will sever a very thread-bare relationship I have with my brother.

What do you think I should do?

Amy says: Because of space restrictions, some schools have to put fairly restrictive attendance limits on graduation ceremonies, so I'd let that slide. But if your brother knows that you have saved a significant amount of money for his son and he isn't even including you in the open house, then I think you should siphon off a very modest amount from your savings, slip it into a card for your nephew and consider this matter closed.

If this money from you is the thread that your relationship has been dangling on, then I think you should snip it off.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.