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I see that you, Prospective Juror No. 9, didn’t have your hand up.
So you have never fired a water pistol at another person. Is that because you realize the potential harm in using these kind of weapons, which could cause great bodily harm if their liquid munitions are deployed in such a way as to ... Oh, you preferred Super Soakers ... Yes, that definitely counts.
And Prospective Juror No. 8, I’m not sure what a Bonzai Dragon Drencher is, but I’m going to put that down.
Yes, Prospective Juror No. 3, I see your hand up. What’s your question? ...
You are correct. Your experience of dropping water balloons on friends from second story windows is certainly relevant. Thanks for your honesty.
Are there any others who have things in their pasts that they think might exclude them from standing judgment against a teenager using a water pistol to squirt another person?
Yes, Prospective Juror No. 5. ... OK, I will put you down for mooning pedestrians from the passenger side window of a moving vehicle.
Any other mooners? One, two, three ...
How about rubber-band shooters? ... Hmm, let’s make this easier. Who hasn’t been a rubber-band shooter?
Let me guess, Prospective Juror No. 14. You never shot rubber-bands at another person because you had a big-ol’ sling shot? ... Nailed it!
Any other possible disqualifiers? Now’s the time to speak up. Yes, Prospective Juror No. 10, what is it? ... Pie in the face. Thank you.
Anybody else? Nerf cannon. Thank you. Snowballs. Thank you. Electric shock handshake. Thank you. Anybody else?
OK, a backdoor wedgie followed by a knuckled head-noogie.
Thanks for your honesty, your honor.
Frank Cerabino writes for The Palm Beach Post. Distributed by the New York Times News Service
The Opinion section is produced by the Editorial Department to foster discussion about key issues. The Editorial Board represents the institutional voice of the Star Tribune and operates independently of the newsroom.