Yes, I am a proud longtime resident, and, no, I cannot figure out snow emergencies.
The term itself is odd. It snowed? How's that an emergency? The word implies some sort of unanticipated disaster. Snow is what it does here in the winter. What's next? Declaring leaf-falling emergencies every October?
Besides, it makes us sound overwrought. Six inches! Snow trauma! With more on the way tomorrow, perhaps we should declare a snow existential crisis.
A better Minnesotan term would be "Your basic snow-type situation there," read in a comforting, folksy voice.
When they say "a snow emergency has been declared," I like to think of a city official in breeches and a three-corner hat standing outside City Hall, preceded by a man who rings a handbell three times and shouts:
"Hear ye! The Goode Folke of Minneapolis are Hereby Enjoined to gather and pay heed, for the City hereby Declareth the Emergency of The Snow, so that all shall adjust thine carriages in accordance with the rules."
What are those rules? As I said, I still can't remember. There's something about on the first day, there's no parking on snow crisis routes. These are clearly marked by signs you have seen all your life and hence ignore. You can park there after it's been plowed, unless it's going to be plowed a second time, maybe.
How do you know if the truck going down the street is on its first or second plow? I beeped the horn and flashed my lights until the driver rolled down the window and raised a finger to indicate that this was the first time. Interesting side note: He did not use his index finger.
