Dear Amy: "Ben" and "Sally" were neighbors of ours for 38 years. We and they are the oldest residents on the street; the remaining properties have changed ownership several times.
Ben and Sally were somewhat reclusive. However, when we met while walking, we enjoyed one another. I was never in their home, but I was invited to one of their daughter's weddings. When the two daughters came to visit their parents, we always enjoyed friendly banter with them.
This January, while at their winter home, Ben became ill and died. Sally moved into a care facility.
Hearing this from a resident at the end of the street stunned me. Apparently, the daughters have been in and out of the family home, packing and sorting, and the other resident passed by and was asking what was going on, and the daughter answered with the sad news of her parents.
I am quite perplexed that the daughters have not called or sent a note telling me about their parents. In my opinion, it would be a respectful thing to do.
Amy says: I could easily cite several very understandable reasons why these two women have not reached out. It could be something as simple as them not having access to their folks' address book, or you not being listed in it because you were neighbors. If the rest of the houses on the street have changed hands several times over the years, they might have assumed that yours had, too.
The respectful thing would be for YOU to reach out to them, expressing your sympathy over their loss and asking them for the best way you could keep in touch with their mother. After a death, the note-writing is done by those expressing sympathy, not the other way around.
Ex asks too much
Dear Amy: I'm 35. My ex and I went our separate ways at the beginning of the pandemic. I have my own issues, but mainly I could not handle her drinking.
