Dear Amy: Sometimes I want some help with a skill. For example: skiing. I'm a perfectly competent skier, but I know I have some quirks in my form, and some one-on-one targeted work with an instructor might help me straighten them out. Ditto physical training.
My problem is that signing up for a lesson is such a roll of the dice. Half the time, I get an instructor who is bound up in their own shtick.
Last year I took a ski class with a teacher who spent most of the time regaling us with stories of issues he had helped people resolve in the past. Another time, I got an instructor who was insecure about giving pointers and advice and spent most of the time musing about how out of practice they were with giving lessons.
We're all human, but it's so frustrating to get put in the position of being a captive audience. This is a paid service, and the objective is to help me do better at something I care about. It's not cheap, especially when it's a one-on-one lesson.
Do you have advice about how to communicate with schedulers when I am contracting for a lesson so that I get an instructor who fits my style?
I've tried, "I work better with female instructors" (in the ski scenario) and "I tend to work better with physical trainers closer to my age" (in the gym). But when I say those things, I feel like I'm overstepping in some way. And no matter how pleasant I try to be when making the request, it's often not received well.
I'd really appreciate your help.
Amy says: I can imagine your frustration. Private instruction can be extremely expensive; the idea is for you to soak up a lot of instruction in a concentrated amount of time. This encourages you to take the lessons you're receiving and apply them later, on your own time.
Anytime an instructor doesn't instruct, or wastes your time and money by delivering unrelated monologues, you should notify management, ask for a refund and/or a gratis session with a different and more qualified trainer.
If you are looking to maximize your experience, your stated parameters to the scheduler (preferring to work with female or compatible age instructors) are insufficient. Be very specific in your query: "I need a trainer/instructor who devotes the class time to instruction. So if you can schedule me with a no-nonsense non-talker, I'd appreciate it."
Setting limits
Dear Amy: My wife and I just welcomed our first child, and, of course, we are over the moon. Our baby was born healthy, but came into the world a couple of weeks ahead of schedule.
As parents of a newborn, we are concerned about our baby's health. My brother and sister-in-law have a 6-year-old son. We love the parents and the child. However, the parents have elected not to have their son vaccinated, and we are very concerned about exposing our nephew to his newborn cousin.
What are your thoughs about this?
Amy says: You and your wife should ask your child's doctor for advice regarding your concern about exposing your baby to unvaccinated people.
You should limit all close contact until you two have your sea legs and your baby is healthy and thriving — perhaps after the one-month checkup. During that checkup, go over your child's vaccination schedule and ask about specific risks to the baby regarding contact with unvaccinated people before your baby is vaccinated.
From a parenting point of view, this is really your first test about how to create and enforce reasonable boundaries for your child.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.
