Ask Amy: Readers weigh in on shared problems

Amy says: Readers often reply to dilemmas posed in my column in ways that are helpful, useful and inspiring. Today's column is devoted to some of these replies.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the writer who wondered about telling the man she was dating about the sexual abuse she had survived as a child.

I had been divorced for five years when I went on a first date with a man I had just met. On our way to the restaurant, we were stuck in traffic behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Help Stamp Out Child Abuse."

"Why would someone put a bumper sticker like that on their car?" he asked. I thought for a moment before saying, "I suppose the car belongs to someone like me who was molested as a child."

I knew from my date's shocked reaction that this was a man with whom my children would be safe, and he has been — for 37 years now.

So I vote that this woman should tell him and see what happens. What he says and does next will tell her exactly what she needs to know.

Amy says: This brings tears to my eyes. Thank you.

It came as quite a shock. Both her mother and father had died. As much as the news disturbed my wife, the fact that she wasn't told this by her mother disturbed her even more.

Your advice to inform people before DNA findings do is solid.

Amy says: DNA discoveries are forcing many families to re-imagine their histories.

Dear Amy: A reader wondered when it might be too late to send or receive a letter of condolence after a death in the family.

When our youngest son was killed five weeks before his 19th birthday, we received hundreds of notes and sympathy cards. While we greatly appreciated all of the condolences we received at the time of our son's death, the note we got six months later was the one that stood out the most to us.

For those who grieve, any time would be considered "timely" to know that others are remembering them in their loss.

Amy says: I hope your testimony will inspire people to reach out to those who grieve — no matter how much time has passed.

Dear Amy: Your column frequently addresses issues about adoption or sperm and egg donation.

We adopted a child 26 years ago, and our unfailing motto was that no child can have too much love.

From the beginning, we used pictures to tell our beautiful daughter her origin story. As she matured, the story matured.

The bride was radiant. She knows who she is.

I hope this is helpful to your readers who don't feel able to tell their child they weren't conceived biologically.

Amy says: Your loving, open and honest attitude has made this much easier for everyone in your wide family circle.