Lileks: DirecTV was not AT&T but it was; also AT&T is now DirecTV

Every subscription service should have a big red button on the website that says CANCEL. You want to quit? Push the button. It plays a few bars of Chopin's "Funeral March." That's it. You're done.

I tried to cancel a streaming service the other day, and had to resort to a Google search. Ah, here's the solution:

"On your Apple TV, go to System > Settings > Account > Purchases > Channels > Streaming > Billing > Recurring > Adjustment, and enter your 19-digit PIN. You will see a screen with two buttons. One says CANCEL, the other says CANCEL. Press CANCEL if you wish to stop service. Press CANCEL if you wish to cancel the process of stopping service."

Uh. OK. I'll press cancel.

"Are you sure you want to cancel?" flashes on the screen.

Uh. Yes.

The response message? "Thank you for remaining a valued member of peamountney +."

"Say, nice account you got here. Customer since 2000. Shame if anyone gave you six free months of Cinemax," said Mr. Retention.

"Sorry, you can't change my mind! I don't care what you do, I'm not going to give you any more money."

"Tsk, tsk. Hear that, Benny? He's not going to give you any more money. Well, listen up, my friend, I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. I'm going to cut your bill in half, and give you HBO … for life."

Sidekick Benny giggles.

"Fer life! He means it, too! Don't think he ain't serious!"

Sorry, dude, everyone's giving away six months of HBO Max. The guy with the cardboard sign at the intersection is offering HBO Max if you give him a dollar.

It wasn't any use. I was switching to AT&T TV, which was half the price.

Here's the thing: While I was on hold, they played ads for AT&T TV, because it was all the same company. DirecTV beamed you shows from the cold clarity of space, and they had an internet streaming service, but the company was owned by AT&T, which had AT&T TV, and also had something called AT&T TV Now. I have no idea what the difference was, and feared they also had AT&T TVAtSomePointInTheFuture.

I'm old enough to find the whole idea of canceling your TV somewhat odd. It's like calling up the local NBC affiliate and asking them not to send you Channel 11 anymore.

Anyway, it was announced last week that AT&T TV and AT&T TV Now were going away, rebranded as ... DirecTV.

"I see you've been a customer since late 2021. We're sorry to see you go. Would you stick around if we gave you 37 minutes of HBO Min?"

What's that?

"It's like Max, but shorter. You get 'The Sopranos,' but Tony is whacked in the first episode. But you get the whole season of 'Game of Stools.' "