How to cope when kids return from college College kids have returned home for the summer, and for some families it is not an easy adjustment.
Here are ways to bridge the adjustment gap.
Anticipate conflicts and negotiate before they become issues. Talking about potential problems and working together to achieve a compromise can prevent issues or help defuse a volatile situation. As parents, you know what the hot buttons are for your child. Discuss curfews, laundry, chores, use of the car, spending money, communication of plans, expectations for family time, sleeping schedules and room cleanliness. Address them when everyone is calm, not immediately following an incident.
Manage expectations, and be flexible in your demands. Remember, you want your children to want to come home. Don't impose high school restrictions on college students. Encourage a more equal relationship, but be firm that the rules you have mutually agreed to need to be adhered to. Listen to their opinions and collaborate. Don't keep score; beating your child into submission is not "winning." Ask how your child is feeling about the return home, the adjustment and other transitions. These kinds of conversations can elevate your relationship to a new and more gratifying place.
Don't forget to show them your love. It sounds so obvious, but sometimes parents get caught up in the minutiae of picking up after everyone, carpooling and planning that you forget that these few months are a precious window of time with your growing children. Prepare their favorite foods, play their favorite games and watch their favorite TV shows with them. Enjoy your time together.
CHARLOTTE (N.C.) OBSERVER
