Why do people hate the pedal pubs? Scorchy, buzzy issue about which you couldn't care less, but it's trending on local social media, so let's drop everything and examine what it means. A pedal pub was beset by water balloons and squirt guns the other day — it was full of cops at the time, which violates the Peace Officer Dampening Act of 1956. There's a Facebook page devoted to pedal pub hating. Why? you ask. Let me help.
A lot of people hate bikes, period. Not happy kids on Schwinns with streamers, but people for whom biking is a statement. I think there's one statement you can reasonably infer from someone on a bike, and that's "I'm on a bike." Beyond that we are looking into someone's mind, which is hard to do with those helmets in the way.
So people who don't like bikes think the pedal pubs are getting a pass, and they're right. Walk down the street drinking? That's a ticket. Move your legs up and down while walking and drinking, and you get a ticket for impersonating a majorette leading a parade. Ride your bike while drinking beer? That's a ticket. Move along the streets in a group of eight people, drinking, and that's obstruction AND public drinking.
But put them all on a pedal pub, and it's perfectly legal.
This does not justify attacking them, of course, to state the obvious for the dim and thick who have already preceded to the comments section to demonstrate what happens when you turn off spell check. Nor does it suggest we should loosen up the laws. I mean, if you legalize people on unicycles drinking in packs of 10, you're asking for a pile of poles and busted glass. Pedal pubs are popular because they combine sitting, drinking and the illusion that you are expending the exact amount of calories you are consuming. Possibly more. Say, Bob, you're looking trim. Have you been drinking beer while moving your legs in a circular motion?
There are some legitimate reasons to hate pedal pubs:
• The pedal pub is on the highway doing 7 miles per hour in the passing lane, and you are behind it in an ambulance watching the ice melt in the bin where they put your foot.
• When it stopped by your condo everyone got off and lit their beards on fire and pillaged the entire block.