Mackay: You can't avoid confrontation — so learn how to handle it effectively

Violet is chasing Charlie Brown in a "Peanuts" cartoon yelling, "It's no use running! I'll get you! I'll knock your block off!"

Charlie then turns around and says: "Wait a minute! Hold everything! We can't carry on like this! We have no right to act this way ... The world is filled with problems ... People hurting other people ... People not understanding other people ... Now, if we, as children, can't solve what are relatively minor problems, how can we ever expect to ..."

In the next frame Violet punches Charlie Brown and explains to her friend, "I had to hit him quick ... He was beginning to make sense!"

Violet clearly is not afraid of confrontation. But I suspect most people would prefer to avoid confrontation. It is more in our nature to get out of the way.

NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw, who saw his share of confrontation on the field, is on Team Charlie Brown. "I don't like confrontation," he said.

NFL coaching great Bill Parcells is on Team Violet, saying, "I think confrontation is healthy, because it clears the air very quickly."

To be sure, confrontations can be difficult. But they are a very essential aspect of relationships. The most essential aspects of confrontation are honest communication, clarity and confession.

It starts with overcoming your fear of confrontation. Most of us think of it in negative terms. And we're focused on the outcome, instead of the issues. If you enter any confrontation in attack mode, chances are you're not going to get a satisfactory result.

Glenn Van Ekeren in his book "Little Leadership Lessons ... From an Old Guy" outlines some simple yet profound considerations he has found useful that I would like to expound on.

Be factual. Do you have the complete story, including the other side? If not, ask and then listen. Avoid rumors and perceptions.

Be fair. Confrontation is not a ticket for personal attack. It should always be about the issues. Accept responsibility if you were in the wrong. Look for solutions together. Keep in control of your emotions.

Be firm and honest. Too often, people hide their feelings and bite their tongue because they don't want to offend anyone. It's the wrong approach. Tell it as you see it — with tact and compassion. People will appreciate your honesty.

If all else fails and the other person isn't willing to have a constructive conversation, it's OK to simply walk away and revisit things later.

Of course, there are occasions when immediate action is required, as illustrated by this fanciful legend.

OPERATOR 1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid a collision.

OPERATOR 2: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

O1: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

O1: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

Mackay's Moral: You can't change what you refuse to confront.