C.J.: Sharper dances around question of whether he'll show any moves

Despite Darren Sharper's reluctance to proffer evidence of his hoofing abilities, the producers of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" should take a look at the Vikings safety.

In November I approached Sharper about doing a videotape of him dancing to catch the eye of someone from the TV show. "I'm a brother," Sharper said. "You know I can dance." Sharper said he was down for this and gave me his cell phone number, one of several, I assume, so we could arrange the taping.

With strains of Bob Seger playing in my head along with visions of Sharper in the famous Tom Cruise scene from "Risky Business," I called Darren's number three times. I have yet to get a return call. When Sharper didn't show up during media availability the week before the loss to the Falcons, I knew getting him to live up to his commitment would require a different route.

With a few seconds of danceable music from El DeBarge and 50 on cassette, I awaited Sharper's arrival at the station for "Fox 9 Sports Primetime" because he's paid to show up.

"You work this late at night?" Sharper said. (What a short memory Sharper has. He'd clearly forgotten that it was even later at night that I saw him last; my famous accidental sighting and interviewing of Visanthe Shiancoe at Sharper's Trocaderos party.) Hey, I do what's necessary to get people to live up to their interview commitments.

"I can't dance after losses," said Sharper on startribune.com/video. "I don't feel like dancing now. I can't dance at 11 o'clock at night. I'm not at the club. It's not my birthday." Wait until 50 hears that! Or this: "That song is from, like, 10 years ago."

Sharper said, "Hopefully if I win a Super Bowl and Hall of Fame, I think I might get on 'Dancing With the Stars.'"

Warren Sapp, immediate past "DWTS" alum, told ESPN's "PTI" that the reason athletes do so well on that show is because as professional athletes they are accustomed to taking instructions. Drill repetition probably helps, too.

With his charming manner and debonair good looks that surpass Sapp's and Emmitt Smith's, Sharper is a cinch to float through auditions. There's only one stumbling point, and it has been mentioned to me twice by Sharper's PR guy Darryn DeWalt: "Darren can't dance. Darren doesn't dance."

Oh, that is a stumbling block and perhaps the reason Sharper wouldn't show me any dance moves.

A choice parking spot? Darren Sharper was walking stiffly and complaining about his flexibility after the Vikings shamefully dropped that game to the Falcons.

But I don't think those physical complaints entitled him to park in a handicapped parking spot at Fox 9. By the time the parking spot Sharper chose to park in was discovered, he was busy prepping for his appearance on the Sunday night sports show, and I did not want disturb that process. I also didn't want to wait around for the show to end. I called his cell phone and told him I needed a comment on the handicapped parking incident. After reading the above item, aren't you shocked that he has not responded?

The only person who returned my call was Vikings PR guy Bob Hagan, who groaned, "Aww, are you going to go after him? Did he know it was that spot?" I told Hagan I had video that could be viewed at startribune.com/video. "All right," Hagan said. "Nothing I can do, but he's a very good guy. He does a lot of really good charity stuff. Obviously, if he did it, he did it. It might have been a misunderstanding."

I'm in total agreement that Sharper is a terrific human being, and a gorgeous guy with just the most perfect teeth and dimples, but that was his car in a handicapped space. When the NFL's injury report came out Wednesday, Sharper was on it for his knee, and it stated that he would be seeing limited participation in practice.

The inside story Tarvaris Jackson told a national reporter that, during his benching as Vikings QB early in the season, he was able to put that in perspective because he was dealing with his baby needing a pacemaker.

The baby is doing better now, and for that we are all grateful, but isn't it interesting how Jackson shared with information with a national reporter instead of one of the local ones? Disclosure of this information at the time of his benching might have looked like he was seeking sympathy for his poor play or using it as an excuse, when the only thing some fans care about is winning.

On a stakeout? Randy Norman is out of the Restaurateur Protection Program.

"I'm still here," Norman said. "I didn't go anywhere."

(There is no Restaurateur Protection Program. That's a joke I created after the mysterious events that led to Norman's departure from the steakhouse with his name on it.)