Break up when heading to different colleges?

Post-school romance poses problemsYour son and his girlfriend are headed to separate colleges in the fall. Should you urge them to cool things off now?

It's certainly not your place to decide when (or whether) they break up. But you can help your child navigate this emotionally combustible time. You can also make it worse.

"This comes up all the time from parents," says Jennifer Powell-Lunder, child and adolescent psychologist and author of "Teenage as a Second Language." "But kids are raising the same issue. They're worrying about it, too: 'Should I end this relationship? Should I stay in it?' It's not our job to make a judgment for them, but we can help them work out what's best for them."

Don't:

Say that high school relationships never last. "You're just putting yourself in an adversarial position where your teen wants to show you they know better," Powell-Lunder says.

Regale with your tales of teenage love. Unless you want this response: "That was a million years ago. You didn't even have Facebook or texting or any way to keep in touch."

Avoid the topic altogether. "You want to empower your kids and ask them what they're thinking about it," she says. "But realize that your kid is probably asking himself the same questions."

Ask if your child has a plan. "Some kids have sat down and figured out what is the distance, how will we communicate. Other kids don't have a plan, and that's OK, too. Don't push them to have one, because [the lack of a plan] is telling you something."

Allow your kid's own pace. "Sometimes kids find solace in knowing they've got a relationship at home, and they're just holding onto the familiar. There will be kids who make it through that first year together. Or longer."

Remember that this is a tough time for a breakup. "You've got prom ... graduation, end of the year. Sometimes kids are staying together just to get through those events."

Let nature take its course. "College is a time to seek out new opportunities and experiences and by natural attrition, things usually go where they're going to go. Let your kid discover that the world is so much bigger, and he'll decide what he's going to do."