RandBall's Stu guest post: After the huge crane leaves, what's the next big thing at new stadium?

In case you somehow missed it, RandBall's Stu, a longtime commenter here in these parts, was recently hired by American Public Media/MPR as a digital producer. This is awesome, and it also means he gets to use his real name, Steve Neuman, when doing all the fine work he does.

That said, pretty much everyone we know still calls him Stu. He has crafted a piece of fiction for us on the next big things to hit the Vikings stadium site after the huge crane leaves.

As always, remember this is satire. The characters, products and scenarios presented within are fictional.

Steve/Stu?

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Monday saw the arrival of one of the world's largest cranes to help build the new Vikings stadium. Once its work is done, the Negavom Group's job is just beginning.

The Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority is expected to announce a partnership later this week with the Dallas-based company, which bills itself as the "premiere (sic) vomit and stadium detritus removal firm in North America."

"We started this company with a pressure sprayer and a cash-only gig at the Oklahoma State Fair. Now, we're working with our fourth National Football League team. It's a dream come true."

Johnsrud says that Negavom is uniquely qualified to handle the workload provided by a fan base that can sometimes get overenthusiastic about its tailgating.

"Today's modern fan vertical is predicated on 12-15 domestic beers, 2-4 mixed drinks, Jell-O shots, tenuously cooked red meat, salty snacks and probably some tussling with friends or fisticuffs," says Johnsrud. "This is before they get through the turnstiles. The Vikings recognize that some of these fans aren't going to be able to keep all that down for three or four hours. That's where we come in."

The company's website claims that on an NFL Sunday, they'll have 200 response agents at the ready with "next-gen" water cannons, mops, shovels, disinfectants and moist towelettes. The number grows to 350 for mid-afternoon starts and 500 for Sunday or Monday night kickoffs.

"Oh, man, the night games are like one long Mr. Creosote sketch," says Johnsrud. "We have a saying in the business: an empire in decline is our time to shine!"