Q: I have a co-worker who often makes me crazy. She asks for my opinion (maybe only because she feels obligated), but she fights me when I make suggestions. I have substantially more experience and we work together, but I'm not her boss. How can I handle this?
Andie, 47, senior writer, my feedback isn't used
A: Put your shared goal at the middle, and then start working through the workplace dynamics.
What is your goal? Presumably, to have top quality work delivered by your organization will be at the top of the list. Keep your sights set on that.
Then think through your other goals, as revealed by your reactions to the situation. "Makes me crazy" and "fights me" send a message; how would you interpret this if it were someone else? Your response could be driven by objectives of power, control or recognition.
Or it could simply be that you feel like your time is being wasted and you're tired of it.
Be honest in reflecting on the reasons for this rather visceral response.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Can you think back to when you were in a more junior position? Consider what success might look like for her and what her goals may be. In addition to stated goals, also ponder her underlying drivers, just as you did your own. And ask yourself, "Why does she feel obligated, and what would it look like if she asked because she really wanted to?"
