Q Recently I received feedback that I'm not "approachable." I consider myself a friendly person, but know that I come off as very serious. What can I do to appear more open?
A Remain authentic while adapting your style so you won't be misinterpreted.
The inner game
People are initially influenced most by appearances, so look at yourself from the outside. Consider your body language. Do you tend to cross your arms and legs, which sends a closed-off message? How about your facial expressions? Your face may naturally fall into a serious look in repose, but notice if your expression tends to be tense or relaxed. To see these patterns, stop and take a moment in meetings, walking down a hall, sitting at your desk, or in the lunchroom and think about how you look to others.
Consider how expressive you are. If you keep your emotions tightly in check, people may find you hard to get to know. This, in turn, can give the impression that you don't want to be approached. Notice how much enthusiasm you show, or even how much stress or frustration you express.
Check your interactions. If people come up to you, do you give them your full attention? Are you comfortable with eye contact? Or, do you continue to do other things? Multitasking may send a "stay away" message.
Make a point of getting more feedback from people you trust. Ask for specific input on your demeanor, including comments on patterns that you may already have noticed.
Then look at your intentions. You consider yourself friendly; what does that mean? How do friendly people behave and feel? Consider how well your outer self matches your inner, looking at what you have learned from your observations and others' feedback. Then, examine the gap to decide where to focus.
