"Heading home, pookie. See you soon!"
And with that message, I had crossed a line. My lifelong commitment to correct grammar -- and with it my relentless pursuit of precise communication -- had been compromised. I knew it would happen, but I thought it would take another year or two. I never thought it would happen so soon.
I had spelled pookie with a lower case p. I had used lower case rather than a capital letter for a proper noun as English grammar requires.
It was a conscious decision. It wasn't unintentional. Everyone makes mistakes, but I had deliberately if fleetingly decided not to bother changing the p to P. I knew it was wrong, but I had done it anyway. I had placed expediency above standards, convenience above pride.
I had begun my message innocently enough. I had tapped the mic icon on my handheld device, and I had dictated those fateful six words to my wife. My device had correctly placed the comma in the first sentence when I said "comma." It had correctly placed the exclamation mark at the end of the second sentence when I said "exclamation mark" even though I had hesitated to use an exclamation mark there as I mulled over the advice of F. Scott Fitzgerald, who said, "Cut out all those exclamation marks. An exclamation mark is like laughing at your own joke," and as I considered Lynn Truss' observation in "Eats, Shoots & Leaves," "There is only one thing more mortifying than having an exclamation mark removed by an editor: an exclamation mark added in."
But I had chosen to use the exclamation mark anyway. My choice was merely a peccadillo, a momentary lapse in good taste, a minor departure from a normally disciplined and restrained style, but the lower case letter ... the lower case letter ... that was something else.
When I made my life-changing decision not to capitalize the p in pookie, I hadn't fully considered the consequences. In that fleeting moment I had thought, Why bother? She'll understand my message despite the error. She might not even notice. It's not worth the time and trouble to make the correction. Even now as I write this paragraph my face burns with shame, and as I reflect on the implications of my choice a chill runs down my spine.
Here's what I predict will happen next -- and soon -- in this order: