Extra words, extra phrases, extra sentences: In our writing, these fail to qualify as bonuses. They act as drags, and they delay getting to the meaning.
A reader of this column recently commented that someone who uses bloated language is trying to create "the illusion of fluency."
Real fluency springs from simplicity.
Think of a river's flow: Clusters of rocks in a riverbed create rapids. Removing rocks from our writing produces a smooth flow and clarity. Getting to the verb hastens a sentence's meaning.
An example of bloated writing:
"Let me close by saying that Pleasantville remains unbelievably quiet. There are tents on Main Street in front of Sam's and O'Leary's that offer an outdoor dining option, but many of the stores remain closed and some will probably not reopen. On many days, there is not a single person walking across the park. Saturday night was an exception, as a few hundred people gathered in a vigil in remembrance of George Floyd." (73 words)
Now, the same meaning, written simply:
"Finally, Pleasantville remains quiet. On Main Street, Sam's and O'Leary's offer outdoor dining, but many stores remain closed, some probably permanently. Some days, no one enters the park. But Saturday night a few hundred gathered to remember George Floyd." (39 words)
