Approximately 8 of every 10 e-mails we get from La Velle involve soccer, so when he sent us a link about Joel Zumaya -- from the Onion, no less -- we had no choice but to put up a post. Per The Onion:
Injury-plagued fireball reliever Joel Zumaya informed reporters Monday that his new $800,000 contract with the Twins obligates him to throw one last beautifully self-destructive pitch that will finally annihilate his arm forever. "I've undergone dozens of surgeries and months of painstaking rehab to get my arm in good enough shape to pitch again, so that pitch is going to be absolutely incredible."
The alleged pitch will reportedly travel 235 miles per hour.
