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I'm in agreement with the recent letter to the editor stating that political acrimony doesn't belong at the Great Minnesota Get-Together, aka the State Fair. As an alternative focus, I'd like to offer this classification system based on Minnesotans' relationship with the fair.
When it comes to the fair, it strikes me that there are four general categories into which we fall, which I will label Fanatics, Funatics, Fanbivalents and Fantagonists.
• Fanatics (such as myself) start getting excited in February when we hit the halfway mark between fairs. These people always go on the first day (and several other days). They navigate by instinct rather than by map. They know the best bathrooms. Their children can beat grown-ups at the Midway games. They wear State Fair gear in a non-ironic fashion. They prefer to attend when the weather is bad, because the crowds are smaller. They always bring a water bottle and know where to refill it, and they return home with a year's worth of free school supplies and bag clips.
• Funatics are satisfied by going once or twice a year to the fair. They're excited to try the new foods (unlike the Fanatics, who only can fit one or two new foods into their already established rotation). They know to buy tickets in advance and how to dress appropriately for the fair, although they rely on street names to navigate. They'll often attend a show at the Grandstand and will arrive only early enough to eat dinner. They tend to know how to cleanse one's palate with a Cider Freezie from the horticulture exhibit and to check out the largest pumpkin while they're there. They also incorrectly believe that the cheese curds in the Food Building are the original ones.
• Fanbivalents typically say they don't like the fair but go once every two or three years, often dragged by a Fanatic or Funatic. They make the mistake of going on the second Saturday, which is usually the most crowded day. They complain repeatedly about the crowds but don't make any effort to avoid crowded areas during the middle of the day. They also complain about the traffic on the way to the fair but have never considered taking one of the buses. They have heard of the butterheads, but have no idea where to find them. They are completely unaffected by vendors that no longer are at the fair. They only go if the weather is below 85 degrees and not humid.
• Last (and I won't say least, since I'm married to one) come the Fantagonists. They are very vocal about their dislike of the fair and are unmotivated to change. In fact, they take pride in their dislike of the fair. They are unaware that there are pamphlets outlining all the deals at the fair. If they go, they announce the cost of each individual cheese curd. They've never been to the Creative Activities building, have never seen a talent show and believe the term "crop art" to be an oxymoron. If they go to the animal barns, they step in something unsavory while texting.
