Start with a money summit to hit your #couplegoals

Spreadsheets and savings goals are not sexy. That is probably why great love stories, when retold, don't delve into household finances. But money is a central part of any relationship.

And how you deal with it (or don't) can determine whether your own tale is a short story or a novel.

"Getting on the same page financially is crucial to being happy and having a long-lasting marriage," said Marie O'Keefe, a financial adviser at Northwestern Mutual.

That's not just lip service.

A whopping 82% of engaged and newly married couples said they feel closer to their mate when they are in agreement about money, according to a survey by Northwestern Mutual and the Knot. But that same survey found that only 37% of couples actually talk about their finances monthly.

If that sounds like you and your partner, it's time to schedule a money summit.

"I'm a huge proponent of financial summits … especially when you're moving in with each other or getting engaged, because that's when your lives begin to merge," O'Keefe said.

You also need to hit the big picture stuff, namely debt and financial goals, like saving for a house, retirement, vacation, a baby or all of the above.

That first meeting might be a doozy — you have a lot of ground to cover and potentially some financial baggage to unpack — but once you get into a groove, your summits will get easier. These guidelines can keep your talk on track, even when things get uncomfortable.

Don't spring a major financial conversation on your partner. Instead, schedule it so you both can be prepared mentally and emotionally.

Not every summit needs an hour or even 30 minutes. Marla Mattenson, a relationship expert, has a 15-minute check-in every Friday with her partner — but some topics warrant more time and attention.

If you are butting heads on a financial goal, for example, or need to make major adjustments to your budget, debt or retirement plan, give yourselves enough time to unpack those issues.

"You might have emotions you need to deal with after the meeting," she said. "Have some 'me' time or some 'us' time built into the after-meeting time."

Giving your summit some structure will make it easier to stay on task. Mattenson said she likes the "rose, bud, thorn, Earth" approach.

• Rose: Start with the stuff that is going well. Did you stick to your budget or hit a savings goal? Celebrate that!

• Bud: Next, move onto new things to consider. Do you want to get a puppy? Need a new car? Did you just get hit with a big medical bill? Now is the time to figure out how that fits into your financial plan.

• Thorn: Talk openly and honestly about any challenges getting in the way of your goals.

Stick to your time, even if you don't get to everything on your agenda. Better to carry things over than to carry on for hours, getting tired and frustrated as the meeting drags on.

"You're not going to solve everything in the first meeting, or the third, or maybe even the 10th," O'Keefe said. "Write down the things you still need to talk about and come away from each meeting with an action plan."

Turn off your phones. Turn off the TV. Turn on some music. Pour yourselves a drink — wine, beer, White Claw, you pick. Sit down next to each other and talk.

"You want to get into the good vibes of your relationship unit," Mattenson said. "Sitting next to each other, it's like the two of you working together on an issue, rather than against each other."

Agree to be honest, kind and judgment-free.

If you are getting tense or your partner is getting defensive, call a timeout.

Acknowledge the tension, defuse it (a hug does wonders, Mattenson said) and get back to your agenda.

"If you get into negative talk, pause and go back to kind words," Mattenson said. "Remind yourselves that the most important thing is the relationship and that you're in it together."