Readers Write: P.J. Fleck's contract extension, sexual misconduct, school lunches, eating disorders

Why? Why? Why does the University of Minnesota feel it is necessary to "reward" football coach P.J. Fleck with a contract extension? (StarTribune.com, Nov. 22.) Now … of all times. Does his performance require it or even suggest it? No. Is he leaving to go somewhere else? No. Was he not given a five-year contract to begin with? Yes. Then why? Even for a sports lover like me, this does not make any sense. No sense. The foxes are running the hen house at the University of Minnesota.

The day after allegations about U.S. Sen. Al Franken first came out, I found myself in a conversation about sexual harassment with an older, male truck driver. He, as a guy who has supported Franken, brought it up. He was angry and disgusted. But more, he was confused and curious and cautious. He was thinking with great concern out loud about his past interactions with female colleagues: "I patted her on the shoulder after she was promoted recently … ." "She had asked me to rub her shoulders … ."

On one hand, I feel bad. He's going to spend a lot of time revisiting past encounters, and he's struggling to figure out how he needs to change his behavior in the future. He's trying to figure out if he's made similar mistakes. He may never have, but he may never know.

On the other hand, I don't feel bad for him at all. For many men finding themselves suddenly aware of their agency. Because most/all women live through that every day, with every interaction. We have to decide if and how to avoid, demonstrate, hide, laugh at, ignore, navigate the interactions that men don't think twice about.

We've always had to. And now you do, too.

But at the end of the day, I have hope in this. I don't know what permanent, societal or institutional change will come from this drumbeat of terrible testimonies. But I know that people are talking about it. That at least one man is thinking about things differently than he ever has. And that's gotta be a start.

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Males are enculturated, directly and indirectly, to this behavior, and it has been going on for longer than we have had printing presses, much less pornography on the internet. The exhausting struggle for real equality has gotten us to this point: a point where women can fearlessly say "I have been violated, and that is unacceptable," where black men can say "my life matters," where Native Americans can say "this land is sacred to me and you must not exploit it." I have heard pundits argue over whether or not these recent reports of sexual misconduct represent a watershed moment. That is entirely up to you and me. We can be the oppressors, we can accept the oppression of ourselves and others, or we can actively resist oppression. We have choices.

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Disrespect toward women has never been acceptable. The allegations and reports surrounding us lately have made it obvious that for many, many years, attitudes and behaviors toward women have not been all that they should have been. A man using his power to gain sexual advantage to whatever extent has always been wrong. Our culture has, rightly but inconsistently, been progressing away from such conduct. "Flirtations" that used to be accepted as locker-room behavior have become increasingly politically incorrect. That's as it should be.

But in the transition, men who behaved for years according to what they perceived as the social norms have suddenly been called out for transgressions ingrained in their behavior by years of societal acceptance. Who gets to decide at what point those actions are no longer going to be tolerated, and how retroactively we need to pursue punishment for those old behaviors that used to be "no big deal"?

We do need to draw a line concerning respect for women's boundaries. But that line has not been clear in the past. Rape or other explicit sexual abuse are clear and should be punished according to law and statutes of limitations. We do need to define "the line" and from this point forward expect everyone to respect it or face the consequences. But misbehavior that used to be encouraged or ignored, and has now suddenly been classified as crossing an unforgivable line, needs to be viewed with some understanding of the culture that encouraged it.

I agree that children should not be singled out, but usually kids enter an identification number as they go through the lunch line. It should be between the school district and parents to find a way to have parents take care of their debt without involving the children. Maybe the parents should have to come to school and bring lunch to the child or stay home with the child until the account is current. The parents need to take their responsibility seriously — if the child it singled out, it is the parents that need to remedy the situation.

I am full of gratitude for the availability of eating disorder treatment in Minnesota. My beautiful, vibrant daughter, Anna Westin, died from an eating disorder in 2000 because she couldn't get the treatment she needed. Today, there are places of healing in Minnesota bearing her name — the Anna Westin House — and we are lucky to live in a state with some of the best eating disorder treatment providers in the country. The strong advocates and leaders at the Emily Program are leading the way in making sure our experience doesn't have to happen to other families ("Emily Program to narrow its focus," Nov. 22).

No longer do families have to bear the anguish of having no options to help their loved ones get help for an illness. No longer do we have to send our loved ones out of state for eating disorder treatment, because our state leads the way in cutting-edge, high-quality and accessible care.

Yes, the resources for eating disorder treatment are still limited — there are still not enough expert providers; there is still not enough comprehensive coverage for these illness; and there is still not enough widespread understanding that eating disorders are biologically based brain illnesses that can be successfully treated. But there is much more hope and opportunity for recovery, and we have providers in this state leading the way to a better tomorrow for people with eating disorders and their families. I am grateful that today I live in a state where hope is alive.